Float by with glossy eyes,
Take your time,
Forget what it is to fail.
Fall forward with a push from the ones who care- only to crawl backwards, erratic and fearful of the effort required to succeed.
Expectations I'll never meet. Brainwash myself 7 times a week- One for every sunrise.
Can't go a day thinking I'll be anything better than the mistakes I've made.
Chain myself down with the idea that one day it'll click in my brain to be something more then a book that stops halfway.
Numerous of empty pages and a hand that refuses to write.
Say short goodbyes to any hope of progress, don't give it time to put up a fight.
When they ask you if you have regrets tell them no while you look at your shoes, because facing the truth will just bring you to the conclusion you know, but won't acknowledge. You won't even write it down will you?
Course not.
You have to buy yourself time. Let all your friends have fun without you, so they get used to not having you around.
Sit awake, think think think till you can feel your own heart pound against your skull.
It screams to let it out, but you can't be a burden so fuck that right?
Ignore the only source of professional help you have, they'll just give you a simple fix that you're not ready to make.
Make something of yourself damn it. Stop stunting your own growth with procrastination and self loathing. Heal yourself from the inside out. You know the antidote, it's sitting right in front of you.
Fucking swallow it, let it sink into every inch of you and make you new, because hell, I must become something else.
Shape-shift into another soul who can carry these two identities and force them into one.
But I won't.
Not yet.
Not ready.
Never will be.
