Never Loved You More... Oli London x Y/N

The moment our hearts met

I never expected to be digging back up my feelings for the cute guy that used to live next door. I never would have thought that they could ever return with even more strength and passion than last time. I thought it was over. I was supposed to move on, forget about him and close the chapter of my life that he was in. But he never really, truly left my heart for good. What I thought was the end, turned out to be just the beginning.

We were just kids back then. Starting out high school, not expecting much, but hoping for the most anyway. Big dreams, high hopes and.. crushes. Ah, crushes. Everyone has them, whether they want to admit it or not. I can certainly say that I am guilty of many, especially at that time. But one particular one stood out the most.. And boy oh boy was it something to remember.. At a young age, it's pretty common to feel attracted to people that are close to you or that you're used to, like.. your neighbors' kids, for example. You live next to each other, walk to school together and your bedroom windows are facing each other. You know, it can be pretty intimidating to have a cute boy living next to you and basically having access to seeing your room at all times. My boy next door was named Oli. I still remember how I always needed to look perfect in case he would see me and contemplate before bed if I really did shut the blinds before I started changing. I was always scared of that. But looking back, it was kinda fun. I liked the feeling of adrenaline running through me when I noticed him looking back at me and not looking away. I liked putting in effort to look my best everyday. I liked having nothing else to worry about. I remember sneaking into his room at night. We did that a lot. Once I ended up breaking my leg from falling off and I had to explain to my parents how it happened. I don't even know what I told them but, they believed me. Of course I never learnt from my experience and continued our nightly charades, resulting in more limbs being broken, mine, his, then mine again. It was weird, but for some reason when he got injured from trying to get into my room, I found it amusing. I was secretly astonished that he would risk his health just to get to me. It wasn't the same when it happened to me 'cause obviously I wasn't impressed by my own feelings. I just liked when he was stupid enough to fall off. Eventually, our parents figured it out and they just locked our windows for some time but as soon as they took the locks down, we returned to our old habits. But we were more careful after that.

Maybe I even felt something for him, or maybe I just enjoyed the thrill. Maybe I did love him, but just couldn't admit it to myself. I was never the type of person to think much about my feelings. He was the one to bring out my emotions. I just felt so.. alive, I guess, when I was in his presence. I know that you're supposed to feel a connection to the other person when you're with them, but he just made me feel a connection with myself more, and I liked that. I liked my feelings. I just couldn't be bothered to care for them. He made me complete, so just imagine my despair when I found out he was moving away to USA. I couldn't grasp the fact that we were gonna be separated. I didn't care for the reason, I only cared about what was I going to do without him? It would be boring. And it sure was, just as I expected. His last words to me before he left were 'don't forget to feel'. We laughed it off but it got to me. That kinda made sense. After he left, I distanced myself from myself again, but whenever I thought about him, I remembered his words and tried to be okay. That's what he would've wanted. I cried. A lot. I guess that's good, I thought.

At some point, I thought that I had to move on. Some people come into our lives only to give us an experience, a lesson, but not to stay. This thought helped me through it all and during those few years that have passed after him leaving I was pretty sure I moved on completely. I even started dating, a couple of guys. But it didn't really work out with them. Whatever. What I didn't know though, was that my feelings for Oli weren't gone. They were just... on hold.