waves.

𓇽

i walk alone to the sea. the sun is just beginning to rise, but i'm already so done with this day. my head was throbbing with painful memories from the pool party. i still hear the music pounding throughout the atmosphere. i remember the music getting quieter as my head went under. i still feel the water filling up my lungs.

i hear a masculine voice yelling my name as i was pulled to the surface; the same voice that yelled my name angrily as he made me insecure about everything and anything i may have to offer. i step into the salt water wondering why i couldn't have just stuck with pool water.

the waves are calm out here. i'm not deep enough, though i know i will absentmindedly go too deep, so deep no one can hurt me ever again.

i think back to the first time i heard that voice say my name. i fell in love with it, so naturally when it grew angry and toxic i didn't run. now the only way to escape its flames is to submerge myself in this sea.

i'm now knee deep, and i'm not stopping anytime soon. i should be scared. everything in me should be telling me to go back home, to act like this never happened, but that isn't the case. everything in me is telling me that this is the best way, that with this i can forget everything. i don't want to forget this moment, i just want to forget everything before it.

the water is now to my waist. i hear that familiar voice calling me, but i don't turn to it. i don't even consider going back to it. the waves are calling me, and while they're harsh, they're way nicer.

i'm almost up to my shoulders. this is about where the fear should really be kicking in, where i should become aware of what i'm doing and that i need to seek help immediately. the thing is i don't need help, i need release. i need to be free. waves, please let me be free.

the waves are beginning to be less and less calm, making being out this deep even more dangerous. they begin to crash against my neck, speeding up my process just a bit.

i can barely hear the voice calling me because of the water in my ears, not that i mind. i begin to wonder how long it'll take for my body to wash ashore, or if it ever will. it's not really my problem. nothing is my problem anymore. this is the last little mountain i'll climb.

i reach the point where i can no long stand in the water, and i begin to let gravity do its work. i don't try to float, i try my best to sink. i'm submerged in the water, the flames will soon be extinguished.