Kaash

Note: This one shot is written from Aashirya's perspective when she has been in a coma for 15 years.

Kaash....kaash main tumhe bata paati ki main tumse kitna pyar karti hu

Us din kehne ke liye shabd mil nahi rahe the

Aur ab dekho jab batane ke liye shabd hai mere paas

To jitna bhi chillau aawaaz aati hi nahi

Ajeeb baat hai na?

Aaj bhi woh din vividly yaad hai, jab main tumse milne aayi thi. Shivangi ki baatein sunke kisi bhi tarah himmat juta ke aayi thi, yeh bolne ke liye ki main tumse kitna pyar karti hoon. Tumhe to pata hi hai ki mujhe love stories padhne ka shauk hai phir bhi khud ke jazbaaton ko samajh nahi paayi pehle. Kaash main tumhe pehle batati, tab shayad hum aaj saath mein hote. Uss din se humari zindagi puri tarah se badal gayi

Saare problems se ladne ke baad, hum dono kitne khush the. You had saved me from marrying that opportunist when I was blinded by what others might think if I broke off the relation in the middle of rituals. Usse pehle hum sirf acquaintances the, family friends ke tarah aise hi baat karte the college mein. You realized that I was stuck in a big problem and was not able to cope, and you did everything you could to help me.  Tabhi mujhe pata chala ki tumhe mujhpar itna bharosa hai, how much you cared for me. And just like that we grew close, and soon we were able to sense each other's thoughts and insecurities without saying much. 

Especially jab maine tumhare office mein kaam karna shuru kiya tha, I realized how happy I felt every moment I spent with you. Time would go by so quickly whenever I was working with you, main roz wait karti thi office aane ke liye. Tum hamesha mujhe motivate karte the, advice dete the. Lekin main tumhara sapna pura nahi kar paayi...I'm sorry Advay. Main kisi company ki manager nahi ban paayi jaise tum chahte the. I feel so guilty...especially kyun ki agar main aaj bhi coma se uthu to tumhara yeh sapna bhi pura nahi kar sakti. Uss accident ki wajah se spinal cord injury jo hui hai...I'm paralyzed from the neck down.

If only I could go back and change the events of that day....

Hum market ke paas milne waale the, wahi jo mandir ke paas hai. Uncle ka birthday aane wala tha aur hum unke liye kuch surprise plan karna chahte the. Lekin tumhare liye bhi surprise tha, kyun ki main tumhe apne dil ki baat kehne wali thi. Main tumhe mandir ke paas le jaana chahti aur pyar ka izhar karna chahta thi. I even brought your favorite rasgulle, jo maine apne haathon se banayi thi. Main uss din thoda pehle bhi pahunchi thi...kya karu? Tumhare pyar mein main bahut badal gayi thi. Pehle waqt ki kadar nahi karti thi, lekin tumse milne ke liye hamesha utavla rehti thi..kyun ki tumhare saath bitaaye har pal keemti hai mere liye. Main hamesha ki tarah tumhari khayalon mein khoyi hui thi aur exactly waqt pe tum aa gaye. Tumne meri taraf dekha, cute si smile di aur gaadi park kar rahe the. 

Us excitement mein apne aap ko rok nahi paayi aur kuch soche bina tumhari taraf daudte chali aayi. Dhyaan hi nahi diya ki ek bahut bada truck aa raha tha. And before you could even turn and stop me, it was too late. I couldn't see anything, sounds were fading away. I was in so much pain that I wasn't even sure what all was injured. Even in my barely conscious state, I could feel your presence. Your soothing touch, your comforting voice was all that I needed to feel that you will take care of everything, that you will fight for me. You wrapped a cloth around my forehead to stop the blood and carefully carried me into the car, rushing me to the nearest hospital. As they were wheeling me into the ICU, tumne mera haath thaama, and at that point, that was enough for me to have hope. If not for myself, at least for your belief. I used the little energy I had left in me to force my voice to be audible.