How to Get a Boyfriend If You're Draco Malfoy ꕥ Drarry

꧁𝚃𝚑𝚎 "𝙾𝚞𝚝𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎"꧂

Word count: 6.2k
Date published: May 13th, 2020
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September

"Hey Draco!" Pansy Parkinson said as she ran into the Eighth Year common room. She flopped down onto a purple couch. "How's the single life?"

"Dating Granger doesn't give you any right to be a bitch," Draco responded, kindly flipping her off.

"Even if I wasn't dating Hermione, I'd still be a bitch. Call her by her first name."

"I'll start calling her by her first name when you stop being a bitch."

"So never?"

"Precisely."

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Why are you even sitting on that table?" She asked.

"Because all of the chairs were taken."

"Makes sense," Pansy shrugged. "You know the chairs are all empty now?"

"And you know that the Gothic Era is over but that doesn't stop you from dressing like 1300s witch-bitch."

Pansy snorted and Draco smirked.

"Any news from your parents on that betrothal?" Pansy asked, getting up to steal some popcorn from the bowl Draco had been snacking out of while he did his homework.

"Mother says that she can't do anything about it."

"Bullshit!" Pansy threw popcorn at Draco. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying. Mother honestly says that she can't do anything about it."

"But...?"

"But... Father sent a letter."

"And it says?"

"Read it for yourself." Draco pulled a folded letter from his pocket and handed it to Pansy.

Pansy wiped her hands on her skirt before taking the letter.

It read:

Draco,

I call upon your attention because an urgent matter has come up. Mister and Missus Greengrass sent me a letter in attempt to confirm your marriage with their daughter, Astoria. Your mother warned me that you would not be up to the engagement I have planned for you. It seems she was right.

And then you came out as a homosexual. I was angry at first word of this accusation, but upon recalling my memories of you I have realized that you have always shown a bit of homosexual in your character. I have not been fair towards you, and I may have, in turn, ruined what was left of your childhood and your early adulthood. I now understand that this was a positively terrible thing, and for that, I apologize. I have decided to accept your homosexuality, but I can not protect you from the engagement should you fail to meet my demands.

I refuse to father a child who exits Hogwarts as a single man. It is an embarrassment to owl graduation photographs of your child without a romantic interest by their side to relatives. If you do not have a suitable partner, one with money, by the night of Valentine's Day, I will send forth a letter to Mister and Missus Greengrass that confirms the engagement.

Also, please try not to ruin the relationship with said person until after your graduation. You are a Malfoy, and for no reason should you go about leaving school alone. Also, tell that Parkinson girl to stop pretending to be your girlfriend. I know she is a homosexual in disguise. She can not pass for a heterosexual.

I await you response,

Lucius Malfoy

Pansy looked up at Draco and blinked a few times. "What the fuck do they put in the water in Azkaban?"