" Main bairaagan si jeeun ye bhataktaa mann,
Abb kahaan le jayga ye awaarapan...
Ke hui main malang....... "
I threw a glance at the driver, who stood supporting his back against the bonnet, looking at his phone. A sweet human in his late fifties. Probably belonging to one of the north eastern states.
The car stereo buzzed at its loudest, as I stood at the sides of the road that wound itself against the mountains leading to Darjeeling. Clicking pictures of the distant peaks capped with clouds. I looked below.
If I slipped and fell into the trough down there, intensely covered with dark green rainforests, no one would ever discover my corpse again..
I took a snap of the trough. And then clicked a selfie with the mountains in the backdrop. I smiled as wide as I could.
I was travelling alone.
Though, Siddhanth loved mountains, he couldn't join me for this trip. When I had informed to him I was planning for Darjeeling, he postponed every important assignment for this week, just to join me. Unfortunately he couldn't make it till the end.
" Madam zi, should we start? "
The driver asked.
I nodded in negation. And began walking along the side of the road, distancing myself away from him.
Mountains had always been my weaknesses. I suddenly felt like shouting my name, and see if they return the call.
However, soon I decided against it. Somebody had once me told me, stuffs as such look too childlike.
This wasn't my first visit to Darjeeling. It's my second, in my lifetime of 27.
The last time I visited was two years back.
With Sumedh.
He was typically uninterested in mountains. However, I hadn't insisted either. He was too keen to not leave me alone, and hence had come along.
And, ruined my trip big time.
My phone was vibrating. I pulled it out of my jacket. 23 missed calls already. I stared at the name, a smile crossed my lips, I waited for the call to end, and switched it to the mute mode.
I was introduced to mute mode some six years back, by Dev.
Till then, I used to always keep my phone in vibrations. It would give me an undue pleasure to be knowing that I was ignoring someone, though too resentful of the terrible ringtones.
He made me realise, I need not let my mind be so sadist. That was unhealthy. I could very well ignore people and have the tingling pleasure all at once, when I checked my phone at some point. But not let the sadist side of me takeover every now and then.
I liked him. Yeah, I did like Dev Dixit.
" Madam zi, if we don't start now, we'll be late to reach. " , the driver signalled.
I did not reply. Neither looked at him. I did not like people interfering into my personal space, my alone times, my introspections. I did not reply to such people, I did not look at them.
Sumedh was my neighbor.
I mean, he started being a neighbor to my company flats, some three years back. I met him in the lifts, on the corridors, at the gym He was too nice to me.
I was emotionally vulnerable then, dangling between two awkward states of mind, and not really being able to decide if I should see a psychiatrist. I did not initially know if I should welcome him into my life at all. Yes he was good to me. He was intelligent, smart, handsome. A perfect boyfriend material.
However, I was not looking for a love interest.
I knew what I was. I knew how terrible I could prove to him at the end. I knew the fate of relationships I would be in. Yet, just yet, I did not stop him when he kissed me on a Diwali night.
