A trail left behind, is a reflection of the past. But I can't help but turn around and see people following me. My friends? Yes, my friends. A smile holds their face, as they follow my path. Through all my grief and strife, through everything in my Past. They continue to stay beside me, no matter the pain it might cause them, they will always be with me, but will let me see free. The trail left behind, is a reflection of the future. What is to come, what is to be. But now I know, I will always have friends beside me.
That is a poem I wrote recently, I use poetry to express my emotions. This one is simply what I'm missing. I've always been that girl in school that got picked on, thrown on the walls, slapped senseless. I only wish for the pain to end. The voices, are defining. I wish I couldn't hear them. Hear their constant screams of each mistake I have made, and each piece of hell everyone has put me through. Now life, what is it..? What is the meaning of life? The answer is death, if it wasn't, what's the point of it ending in the first place?
Im looking out of my window right now, and I see sunshine with a few clouds. I squint because I'm not used to it being bright. Not physically, but mentally. I can't remember the last time I was actually happy. As I put my hand on the glass, I feel warmth. It's soothing, but it's not long lasting. I can feel my heartbeat in the palm of my hand. It's slow as normal. What would it take for an adrenaline rush? A little bit of satisfaction and enjoyment in my horrific life?
He was an online person at the time, didn't think he would have actually came through on me. He only saw me as a submissive little girl to hit, fuck, and abuse till her mental state was nothing more than... well, nothing. It all started on an app called discord. Zintek was in this group Chat I joined, but the people were being horrifically rude to me. He stood up for me and invited me to another group chat. It was the best thing that happened to me, until I realized his intentions. He was In his late 20s. I hate to admit it, but I was a desperate, naive little girl looking for some type of a friend. I thought he was super nice so I quickly trusted him. That was the worst mistake of my life. He lifted me up in the clouds, but he kept ahold of me. Far tighter than I wanted. As the days past, we got closer. Too close. He sucked all the personal information I had slowly.
I was talking to him one day, then told him I was going on a walk. He asked where, and I said the park in my neighborhood (which he knew...) I left my house and went to the park. I felt eyes on me when I got there, and after my first lap, someone put a rag over my mouth and I passed out. I don't know how long I was out for, but it felt like a couple hours. I woke up with my hands shackled and tied to a metal pole. My clothes were all ragged and dirty. It looked like I was in a basement, maybe a big tornado shelter?
Then someone walked through the door across from me. It was about 15 feet away. I was pretty centered in the room. I didn't recognize him at first, but as he got closer I began to realize what had happened. Zintek was walking Right to me. He squared in front of me and said „my dear, you look terrible" He grinned and stroked me cheek. I had a look of pure horror that was for sure.
My head was throbbing and I remember trying to pull him away, when I did he only slapped me. I could feel my heart pounding a mile a minute. He smiled once more and walked out of the room. It felt as if hours passed before I heard anything else. I heard the door creak open and 3 full grown men walked in. All looking the same age. I only knew Zintek, he had short brown hair. One of them came in with a camera. At that Moment I knew what they intended to do with me. The two men without the camera came up to me, untangled me from the pole, and moved me to a seat near the wall where they tied me up once again. But this time they tied my legs to separate poles. I began to see a small red light flashing, and looked to see that it was the camera. At that moment the two men started cutting off my clothes, but told me not to worry because they had bought some for me. I tried to wiggle them oof, but I couldn't do anything in my state. Zintek began to rub his hands all over my chest and caress my breasts. He complimented me constantly while he rubbed me all over. He then leaned down and started kissing my neck. His hands fell to my thighs and started slapping them. I screamed from the sting. My worst nightmare was happening.
The cameraman hovered around me silently, as he videoed every inch of what he was doing to me. He striped himself of clothes and so did the other man of everything below the waist. Everything happened so fast and so slow at the same time. I tried everything to get away, but nothing seemed to work. I was stuck, and getting raped before my very eyes. I felt the penetration he did with his penis instantly. I had never had sex before, so it hurt. I wasn't wet, Because I wasn't enjoying myself. So that made it 10 times worse. With each movement he made, the more my mind floated away from me. I felt as if I was watching this all happen to another person. But it was me, and it was all too real.
I couldn't feel anything anymore. No happiness, no pain, nothing. Everything had escaped me, everything that defines a human being, as a person. Who am I what am I, all questions I can no longer answer because of what they did to me. I was watching someone, get tortured, lose everything they have, to a couple of people who were so desperate for a getaway, that they would destroy a little girl's life to get it.
Why me, why does it always seem to happen to me? That is one of life's questions that can never be answered. With every movement, every heartbeat, every breath, I felt as if I was vanishing, as if I was disappearing into the wind. I don't know the path I am on, the path he put me on, but I don't like it. I can only see darkness, I can only see hatred. Why must you do this to me? Why must you destroy everything that I've worked so hard to build? What do you get out of this, seeing someone suffer so much that all they can think about now, just wanting to die. I just want to die... The terror you put me through is going to affect me every single night for the rest of my life.
What do I see beyond the horizon, I do not see a sunset. No. I see, the falling sun. But I can't tell if the sun is going to rise again. All the colors plan together to make a strange array that we call a sunset. The sun lowers itself in the sky which makes everything darker. I watch it all happen. As my once, good life, disappeared beyond the horizon. My soul begins to darken, and my eyes begin to close. For the final time? I'll never know.
What he put me through that day, crushed me. I can't describe it. Writing the story for everyone to read, it's hard. I'm not asking you to like this, I'm not asking you to hate it, only respect it.
