It's easy to see someone's colour, just look at them, really look at them and you will see it. My little brother is definitely green, a fresh, bright, happy colour. Always has been and always will be. Whereas my dad is red, so angry. Years ago I would say that he was pink, joyful and filled with love. Until that day. The day when my mum went away on a business trip and never came home. Yes it's sad, so you'd think he would be blue, but he isn't sad anymore. Deep down anger controls him. I'm certain he will be pink again, one day, but not until they've found her killer.
Don't worry this isn't all a sad story, there's still one more person left. Aurora, Rory for short, my best friend since nursery. She is yellow. Throughout the misery in my life, she is the shining light that scares the darkness away. I don't know what I would do without her.
These are all the colours in my life, when I look around all I see is a rainbow. A rainbow where each strand is a different person, a unique personality. Then there's me. Matt. Grey. Everyday I look in the mirror to see if it changed, but everyday I see grey. Why?
I'm happy, I think. No, I am. Not completely, I definitely will always miss my mum and wish she was here, but I've accepted the fact that she's not. I've made peace with the fact that she will never come home, it's in the past. I love my family and have the most amazing best friend who I also love. But this isn't one of those 'I'm in love with my best friend' kind of stories, there's already plenty of them. No, Rory is more like a sister, a part of me I can't live without. I smile everyday, well at least on the outside. Yes I have bad days when I don't feel like smiling, but doesn't everyone? Days when everything in the world feels like it's crushing you and no one can here you scream, but doesn't everyone? I remember the days my mum would take me to a psychiatrist with her when I was little. She would talk, the doctor would talk, but I never really paid attention. All I know is that the session would always end with the doctor saying the same words to me, "You're absolutely normal." Then my mum and the doctor would talk in private and we would go home. I don't know why she never told my dad where we went, but I felt like I had to stay quiet after she died. Her secret is safe.
Grey, I've started to really hate that colour. Seeing it every time I look in the mirror has made me loathe it. Why can't I be a bright, vibrant colour of the rainbow?
Shit! I forgot to print off the work I need for college, and the only printer is in my dads office. It's important work but dad says me and Luke can't go in there. If I wait for him to get home it'll be too late. It's fine I'll be quick, in and out, he won't even notice. I tried to stay focused on my work, but I couldn't. I haven't seen the inside of this room since my mum died. New desk, new curtains, new plants. I had to look around. There was one plant that really drew me in. It was different, shinier than the rest. It looked fake. My work was still printing so I had time to inspect it more. It is fake! But why? I lifted up the plant and a pile of papers and files slid out from underneath. Shit! I quickly tried to shove them all back under so my dad won't know I've been here. Elena Woods. That name was written on all of the files. That name was her name. My mums. As I lifted up some papers, one slipped out. My eyes, my eyes were horrified with what I was seeing. I couldn't believe it. A picture of her, my mum, but she was lay still on a bed surrounded by empty pill bottles. Is this, is this how she really died? This isn't murder! It's suicide!
I couldn't breath, my heart pounding out of my chest, tears filling my eyes. Once I could gather a moment, I carried on reading the papers. Suicidal. Depressed. Mental health issues. These words were everywhere. Grey. Is this why I'm grey? Am I depressed too? Everything started to make sense like putting jigsaw pieces together. The psychiatrist, the grey, all of the secrets. My dad is red, but his anger isn't at a killer it's at my mum. She left him. She left us, on purpose. I understand everything now. But if I'm the same as her, will I do this to myself as well? Will this be my end? Will I always be grey?
