What's Left Of Me (Kelo Fanfiction)

Whats left of me

Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
Yeah

I was pretty sure it was always Leo from the very first time we met he was always the only steady force in my life. Maybe I was too young and too scared to admit that, or maybe I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I loved my kids and once upon a time I loved their fathers, however I couldn't help but wonder how different things could've been.

"Leo, earth to Leo. I just told you I'm getting married! And you haven't said a word." I exclaimed.

His bright blue eyes finally looked up to meet mine and a small smile made its way across his face. Maybe if I knew back then I would've saw the hurt and the confusion in his face, but alas I didn't know.

"That's great Katie, do you have date yet or am I planning the wedding to?" He joked.
I walked over and wrapped my arms around my best friend hugging him close. It meant the world he was happy and supporting this, and I couldn't have asked for anything else.

"No, if it was up to you we've be having my wedding in the water." I smirked.

A real smile broke out onto his face for the first time since I invited him over.

"If could be fun, you could have fish, and sharks as guest at the wedding."

I walked out of his embrace and shook my head negatively, I'm sure Jim would love that idea.
"You're trying to get my dumped before the wedding."

"Miss, Winslet I would never do such a thing. I wouldn't be allowed to plan the wedding if you got dumped ."

"You're such a dork." I grinned.

"Maybe, but you love me. Now come on show me the ring."

I felt  the butterflies in my stomach as I held my hand out and showed off my ring to him. This was real I was getting married and I had my best friend by my side.

cause I want you
And I feel you
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger
Like a burning
To find the place I've never been

"Kate, earth to Kate? You okay?" 

I looked up at Leo who was  looking down at me curious, his bright blue eyes full of concern. I smiled softly up at him running my hands through his dirty blonde hair.

"Yeah, just thinking about everything we've been through to get here." I sighed happily.

His arms locked around my waist keeping me steady in his lap. I turned around to kiss him and before I got the chance I heard little footsteps rushing towards us.

"Mama, uncle Leo did you see how high I was on the swings!" Bear exclaimed.

I opened my eyes as my youngest ran into my arms all smiles.

"You did go very high, I'm very impressed."  I smiled brightly.

"Hey kiddo, why don't we go play in the new sandbox?" Leo asked.

"Can I go get my sand toys?" Bear asked.

"Of course go get your toys." I smiled.

As quickly as he came he was gone into the house to go get his toys leaving Leo and I alone again.

"You'd make a fantastic dad you know." I smiled up at him.

"Miss Winslet, are you saying that you want to have children with me?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Maybe."

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless cirlcles

Leo was always there every time to pick up the pieces of every failed marriage. He had much more than I could ever offer, and I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve him, and I didn't deserve the love he was so welling to give not just me, but the kids.

"Kate, it's not your fault. Sam's an asshole and you deserve so much better."

I shook my head negatively as I looked up at him with tears blurring in my eyes. No he had it wrong I didn't deserve him, I rushed into this marriage it was only fitting that it would end well.

"No, I don't deserve you. You're always here for me after I get myself into these messes and I don't deserve you Leo." I said softly.

I felt him wrap his arms around me as he pulled me close hugging me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him burying my face into his neck as I  breathed in his scent.

"You did nothing wrong. You're crazy I don't deserve you. I love you Kate, and the kids and I'm always here."

I hugged him tighter as I let out every emotion that I felt that I wouldn't show in front of the kids. Leo was my rock and I knew I didn't deserve him but I was so thankful that he was there to pick up the pieces.

"I love you too." I whispered.

Now I'm broken
And I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

"The kids loved Ned, what are we doing Leo? I promised myself I wouldn't do this to them again." I sighed.

He walked over and put his hands on my face and kissed me gently on the lips.

"You can walk away anytime you want to walk away. Dosent change how I feel about you and how you feel about me."

"But it's wrong, I've loved you since we first met, but it's wrong Leo!" I sighed.

He didn't understand, he didn't have a marriage and a family to think about. He was free to just act on his feelings and I simply couldn't just do that.

"Your doubting everyone above yourself for what Kate? Do I like Ned sure I do. I wouldn't have gave you away if I didn't. This isn't about him this is about us, not Ned, not the kids, us."

"It's not that simple and you know that. I can't do this to my kids Leo. I can't." I whispered softly.

It wasn't fair and I knew that, but I had to be a mom before a lover and I had a family to think about and I couldn't just tear it apart.

"The kids love me and you know that."

"What about Bear, Ned is his father what about him? God what about Ned, Leo."

"When Bear is older he'll understand, and Ned knows he's always known Kate, everyone knew but us."

I walked over and sat down on my sofa with as I ran my hands though my blonde hair nervously. Why couldn't this just be simple like in romance novels, why did we have so much mess to dig through.

"Give me time. I'm not ending this, but I gotta think this though. I love you Leo, but I have to fix this."

I never hated myself more than in that moment, there was nothing I could do to hide the pain clearly written all over his face because of me. There was nothing I could say that would change my mind or his or stop the heart.

"Okay, but you know nothing is going to change." He insisted.

I know he was right, even though I couldn't bring myself to say it. Once he again he deserved better than the broken mess that was my life.