broken light

„How do you do, Miss Heywood?" Sidney asked hesitantly.
„What do you think, Mr. Parker?" what a barsh question however her face remained blank.
„I deserve that." he muttered.
„What exactly?"

He didn't answered that and asked politely.

„Hope your family is well?"
„Very well, thank you. They happily don't know what happend to me." she was not in a very good mood. She looked at him and saw that he understood.

„Is this how it's gonna be between us from now on?" tears glittering in his eyes.
„It's the way you choose it, Mr. Parker....so you have to live with that."
„Charlotte..." he breathed.
„Furthermore I am sure, we'll never see us again." 

She stretched her chin but she avoided his gaze this time. He gaped for air, as if he choked as he understood the full meaning of her words.

„How are your own wedding preperations?" she asked, feeling cold inside.
„Elaboured." his face full of hurt and regret. And for a little moment they looked into each other's souls.

„Who had thought a London wedding would be so exhausting?" 

Mrs. Camipon asked suddenly while she clung to Sidney's arm and pursed her lips. Charlotte could not suppress the annoyed look at her and with an ironic smile, she answered.

„I think you should know since your first wedding there."

Sidney closed his eyes brifly, she was sarcastic and hurting herself with this conversation.
Eliza seemed surprised and had to collect herself for a moment before she continued speaking.

„Maybe we should have a country wedding as well?" 

She asked Sidney without waiting for an answer. He looked away.

„I don't think it will suit you." Charlotte said an evil glimmer in her voice.
„Oh, so Miss Heywood, what do you think will suit us then?" 

Eliza asked mocking. Sidney looked ashamed.

„I think a London wedding suits you very well. With the beau mode, you belong to."

Charlotte remembered their conversation about that fact, that he didn't belong there. But she wanted to hurt him. He locked his eyes with hers again.

„You deserve that, after all the time." 

Charlotte noticed to Eliza. It wasn't real. She wasn't real anymore. She wasn't herself anymore.

„You have to come, to see by yourself." 

Eliza said, her voice trembled. Sidney stiffened next to her.

„Oh no, I wouldn't trouble you with my apperance." 

Eliza opened her mouth to answer that but Charlotte couldn't resist to explain.

„I have nothing in common with anyone there."
Eliza wanted to say something back, but Charlotte wasn't finished.

„You both have a lot in common."
There was long moment of silence, because everyone of this three knows it was not the truth. Sidney looked stunned, if by the strengh Charlotte pretend or by the choosen words she couldn't say, but she was sure his heart was bleeding and bursting with the hurt he caused in her.

„Excuse me."

'One last look to him' she thought as she searched for him over the crowd. He was standing with Eliza discussing something with Tom and Mary. Tom looked like as he has physically pain. The children were running around them and Charlotte thought to herself it's for them.
She would not regret ever sat a food in Sanditon like Esther told her once, it was the greatest adventure in her life but she fiered it will always hold the memories of this small but so hurtfull episode to be in love with Mr. Sidney Parker. And his hurtful expression told her he was feeling the same. Also she didn't regret what she said to him. He should know what he had done, also Charlotte knew he had done it for his family. It hurts she would never be a part of it. That he choose them over her.