Crunchybonedaddy x Reader

Chapter 1

You're the new kid. Again. Both your parents are in the military, so they drag you all around the country. Even if you made friends, you'd be gone by the next summer, so you don't bother. Yeah, you're lonely, but you don't mind.

That much.

Instead of hanging out with friends and going to parties, you read like the intellectual you are. But like the horny teenager you are, you also read Waycest mpreg and Jestan smut. You're browsing Wattpad late at night when you find a fic that seems to be exactly what you're, mom says it's my turn on the waycest mpreg, by crunchybonedaddy. You're intrigued. The first chapter leaves you in tears. The twist shakes your very existence to the core, leaving you questioning everything. The second chapter is even better, equal parts mystery, angst, and family drama. The third chapter is the best and most intelligently literary work ever written. Once you finish, you check the account profile.

Four gay rats. One of them knows how to read, the others have created a demonic tongue in which they speak.

Four people? Interesting. You check their wall. It's absolute chaos, but you do learn something valuable. Their names are Andrew, Daniel, Audra, and Jason. You know three people named that irl. They're all gay and three of them have extreme chaotic energy. It must be them! You resolve to confront them at school tomorrow.

You approach Andrew first. He's busy trying to stuff his bloated backpack into his locket, so he doesn't notice your presence. You tap him lightly on the shoulder. He jumps and hits his head against the top of his locker. 

"Jesus!" he says.

"No, but speaking of which, have you heard of This Was a Mistake (Jestan Fanfiction)?"

His eyes go wide. He stares at you for a minute. You're about to say something, but then he starts laughing. It starts off as a nervous chuckle, but rapidly escalates full-on hysterics interspersed with shallow gasps for air. You feel like you should do something, but you're not sure what. After a few more seconds, he collapses to the ground unconscious. 

"Um..." you say.

You look around for help, and spot Daniel and Audra chatting at their shared locker. Chatting is an understatement. They've spread out their arms, and are circling each other while squawking like birds. You see a teacher standing in the doorway of his classroom shed a silent tear. You call out to them.

"Daniel, your brother collapsed!"

Daniel stops squawking for a moment to look at you and Andrew. He attempts to make a run for it, but Audra grabs his arm and drags him over to Andrew's locker. 

"What happened?" she asks.

"I'm not sure, I just asked him about the crunchybonedaddy Wattpad account, and he passed out."

"That sounds like him," says Daniel. 

"Will he be ok?" you ask.

"Probably."

"Probably?"

"Probably."

"What can I do to help?"

"Don't ever mention the crunchybonedaddy account around him again."

"What? But I love it! I can't not mention it."

"Wait, you like our writing?" asks Audra.

"Of course! It's amazing! How could you not."

Audra blushes. 

Jason drops down from the ceiling, covered in drywall. He sits up and looks at you.

"Who's the hottie?"