I don't want to do this. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to and I don't need to. Do you know what it's like? To hurt so bad but have it go unnoticed everyday when all you want is for someone to simply say "i know you aren't okay." Welcome to my life. Everyday I spend my life thinking "why am I here" so really why am I? What's the point of hurting everyday if in the end I'll just be dead. I can end it now can't i? I'm capable of it. I write day in and day out just to delete it so no one knows who the real me is and how I really feel. Well, now I'm writing to you.
Hi, I'm Lia Stanford. Now before you read the journal about my life and all the pains and struggles and guys and friends and everything i go through. you might want to know a little bit about me. I'm not too tall but not too short, I have green eyes and long brown hair. I'm pretty much your average girl, but definitely not the ideal one. You may think I have the life of a popular girl but it's all a joke. I've had depression for a couple of years now and that started in 5th grade when all the guys began to call me hippo. Now I'm a freshman in high school. Everyone thinks I couldn't go a day without being happy, little do they know I'm dying on the inside. My friends gossip about everyone and everything even if that person is their "best friend." Honestly, I'm done with their bullshit. All of their drama is tearing me apart. No matter how many cuts and scars I have those bitches won't notice a thing. They all have their boyfriends and everything going for them. But me? My boyfriend? His name is depression.
It doesn't go away and it never will. It brings you down day in and day out. i I just want to be loved like all my friends and their boyfriends are so happy. But I won't ever. Why? If you meet me you will know. So all i ask is will you please care? But, it doesn't matter whether you do or don't. My main goal in life is just to make it through. I don't get close with people because either i hurt them or they hurt me. I sure as hell do not want anyone to go through what i go through everyday. I hurt, really bad. I starve myself but this isnt even the half of it. Think what you want about me. I don't care. You're my escape now. The only thing that gets me away from my fears and all my pains is dance. But, now it isn't working well. So hello. Nice to meet you.
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It's Friday Ocotber 3rd and it's our school pep rally. Great. I'm so excited that i'm not. I honestly hate the pep rally. What happens is the eigth grade gets hated on by us than the sesniors rig it so that they win. I honestly hate it. But, that was until this night actually happened. Let's just say it was pretty great.
I walked in with the 10 of us dressed in our yellow and the paint our legs and lets just say we definately went all out. I think it is safe to say we were the most decked out class. I walked in and sat in the deignated "freshman" section across from the sophomores. I was than approached by 4 sophomores. Riley, Kennedy, Tanner and Grayson. I was stunned because out of all of them i've only talked to Kennedy. Grayson turns to me and says "i've heard about you and i wanted to let you know i think you are very pretty" he pauses, "i'm Grayson."
I meet his gaze. I stare for a minute and i managed to say "I'm Lia." Kennedy and Riley walk up and stand next to Tanner who is ever so slightly behind Grayson. I turn around but soon i was whiped back around by Grayson.
He looks up slowly. I'm standing there shaking and these words come out of his mouth "i want to get to know you baby." He grabs my hand and puts a slip of paper in it. I walk around slowly as he gives me a slight smirk. His signature.
I approach my firends and quickly Payton and Harper scream "What was that all about. The hottest guy in the school gave you a smirk and grabbed your hand. What is happening!"
I shrug and murmur "Oh nothing." I know his game he's the biggest player. I have had the hugest crush on him since 7th grade and now he's finally talking to me.
Time flies and the pep rally is over. I'm walking out when foot steps increasingly run up behind me and i get a scream from Kennedy. Of course. As she runs up she can't stop talking. "Oh my god Lia. Grayson likes you. He usually just hits and runs but he really likes you. I can tell. You aren't just another girl. Come to the party with me tonight he's going to be there. He wanted to ask you but he chickened out and he never chickens out." After much pushing from Kennedy we walk out. I climb into her black jeep and we are off. It was about 30 minutes from the school. Then i realized i had no clue where i was going. I was showing up at a sophomore party for a guy i barely know. Kennedy than comments "We are here be careful Lia."
I get out of the car and walk in. The house was huge and come to my surprise Grayson is standing at the door with his smile all the way to his ears. I stand in the doorway eyes locked in his.
*a/n my other book isn't working out. hope you all enjoy this one! i will try and write a few sections over break.
