Me and I

My Love

"Hi! I'm Marcus from the Philippines, I'm a person who likes to strive for the best but sometimes I can be lazy, I have a broken family. My dad is with my stepmom, they had a baby together which is now my half-brother. Now my mom is all alone with no love life."
"I am a closeted gay person, I finally called myself one when i was 11. I'm a fragile person because I keep falling in love with the people i know won't love me back, I feel as though I'm going to be alone forever."

"first of all, I look ugly and let's now talk about my crushes, the first guy I had a crush on was a guy named Dre, he was from my old class, because when I was in seventh grade, I changed schools before he kept teasing me that I had a crush on him even though I didn't, yet after a few years, I tried to confess my feelings. Obviously he rejected me because he said "he has a girlfriend" which I didn't believe."

"Then I had a crush on my classmate from my school, his name is Liam he had a girlfriend at the time so my love for him faded after a short while. The next one is Lance, he was cute, sweet and was a good dancer. I felt like we had a connection, when we were at the bus going somewhere for a field trip, his hand like relaxed hanging at the back of his chair- like he's trying to get my attention so we kind of held hands so... I confessed to him but he said he loved a girl called Gelo."

"And finally we have Vince, he was cute and was also a good dancer, and even though Lance rejected me, I still had feelings for him, I flirted around for a bit and tried to say "hi crush" but soon deleted the message before he saw it."

"Soon I started to notice, Vince and Lance were posting things about girls showing off their body or girls they like."

"before I knew it, both guys told their group of friends about me and now it's like everyone knows."

"After that whole incident, I finally fell out of love for Lance, obviously I was pretty sad and devastated. But something sort of changed inside me... I didn't notice but my personality changed, I lost the need for sleep and would toss and turn in my bed, restless. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened."

"everyone would see me looking all happy, but when I'm alone it's like there is nothing to do anymore, there's this soul crushing void that keeps destroying my spirit. Its just depressing and I think I had a phase and all, Now i dont know what to do because were in quarantine."

[Messages] – EX Crush: Dre

"hey Dre i have feeling's."
"tsk! you have a crush on me again"
"I didn't have a crush on you before, only now."
"did you have a crush on other boys?"
"No, only you but can you crush on me back?"
"No i have a GF"
"oh ok D:"
(seen)

*Time Skip*

A few days later, I decided text him.

[Messages] – EX Crush: Dre

"hey no one else can know this."
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
He didn't see my texts, I think he just in-boxed me
Now I decided to text Lance and Vince.

[Messages] - Vince

"hey i have a crush on you!"
"umm.. tbh I'll be straight to the point, i don't love you back thank you for what you're doing but i don't want to love you back now go to sleep lodi!"
I left a like in which he just left me on read.

[Messages] - Lance

"hey Lance i have a crush on u but just turn
me down like everyone"
"i have no problem with that and
crush is just an inspiration."
"ok but truth or dare ?"
"ok truth."
"do you have a crush on me?"
"is this a prank?"
"no be serious"
"sorry Marcus but i love Gelo"
I left a like.
"maybe there is someone out there
just waiting maybe he might be much
more handsome than me Haha!"
I left another like.

I confessed to them on the same night only to bed rejected by both of them

********

After everything that i have been through, it hurts- it hurts to love a person that you know will hurt your feelings it's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back after everything, I changed.
I could laugh and have fun with my friends but when I'm alone... it's like a different world that I don't know it was made it's like a world of my emotions taking over.
At least I have my best friends to talk to but sometimes i feel like I'm the annoying one I'm an attention seeker.
Well it's okay but sometimes i think about being alone is fine being left out is fine but I wish after a few years will be actually happy.