Cigarettes and Everything that Hurts

Prologue

I. In the world that I enveloped myself in, it was quiet. It wasn't just peaceful stillness nor was it a hopeful moment of silence. It was simply a deafening kind of quiet. The kind of quiet that wouldn't draw attention or curiosity, the kind of quiet that I preferred as streetlights changed colors and cars moved faster.

II. It was too quiet that you could hear the burning of my cigarette, as smoke slowly crept up my nose. I knew that it was the kind of quiet that I enjoyed, or so I thought. Because as I tried to drown myself with the quietness that I was used to, you unexpectedly came along and made a noise. Suddenly, the state of oblivion that I thought I was fond of, didn't feel right anymore.

III. I used to like it when my hands held a cigarette tight, but I realized how I liked it better when you put your fingers around mine. I used to crave the smell of smoke lounging around my room, but somehow your scent smelled better, so much better. I used to see myself as a cigarette smoker, a bad habit of mine according to you — now look at what you became, my own bad habit.

IV. Gazing on my reflection on the mirror, I couldn't even recognize myself.  You turned me into someone I never thought I would be, someone who I couldn't be. I found myself slowly leaning back to what I used to be like. I yearned for cigarettes again, smoking until 5 am in the morning when I couldn't even bother to sleep. I longed for the smell of smoke clouding my nostrils, hoping it could overcome the scent that you left. I sought for my bad habit, because I was a bad habit myself, someone who didn't want to be saved. What a tragic way to die, one cigarette at a time, huh?

V. I fancied smoking cigarettes when I was alone, lost, stressed, and everything in between. Until you convinced me to stop because it could kill me. But look at where I was now, look at where you left me, lighting one stick after another, inhaling smoke like it's some natural odor. Suddenly, I realized, you were the one who could kill me. And it would only take one sip.