she makes me so fucking angry. i want to sever her vocal cords and filet her piece by piece. every single word from that mouth is full of destruction. that girl makes me want to rip make hair out and bleed from my wrists until I die.
mother thinks I have anger issues. when I felt like this when I was little, I would punch holes in the walls and doors. one is still there from when I threw a hair dryer at my brother and missed.
when I get this mad my head spins and I can't think straight and I feel like I'm suffocating and the only way to feel anything is something giving in to me whether it is a pencil or someone's finger. something crumbling beneath my strength. and that scares me. because I sound like the boy from school that will nearly beat you to death outside of the school before a sea of nervous students who don't do anything to stop him because they know they can't and that makes them sad.
and I really don't want to break anyone else so I do the next best thing I know of and I break myself.
and that's usually how I end up cutting. not because I'm so sad in the first place, but because I want to hurt someone else and that makes me sad. and as much as I need to feel others' bones collapsing, my veins will suffice all the same.
CZYTASZ
windows to my soul
Poezjajust the sad thoughts that I'm left with at three in the morning and no one is awake to talk me off the ledge
