𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 [𝗻𝗼𝗮𝗵 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗮𝗽𝗽] ✓

THIRTY FIVE

SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE!!! it was my bday today so i was hanging w my best friend :)

i always write this stuff sooo dramatic but like i can't write it any other way, so like i'm sorry i'm cringing too. 

chemicals (acoustic) - dean lewis
NOAH POV

It's been two days and I'm still a mess. Ever since I watched Y/n walk out of my room, all I've been able to do is cry. My family keeps trying to talk to me, but I refuse, I just want to be alone right now. Jake has told me that Jade and Y/n have been hanging out constantly, which is good. Even if she isn't sad, Y/n deserves to be taken care of. God, I love her so much. If it was any other girl, I don't think I would be this devastated, but I'm still in love with her. It feels like I'll never be in love with anyone else. But I don't want to be. Y/n is the only girl I want, the girl I want to grow old with. I just can't believe she broke up with me. 

When we fight, I always say mean things, things I don't mean. And I know they affect her and it makes me so angry with myself. All of this was my fault. I told her that the only thing that would force me to go to NYU would be her breaking up with me. Deep down I knew she would do it. Y/n just cares so much about it all. I understand why, but...well I don't. I could've gone to UCLA.

We could still be together.

Right now as I sit by my record player, I look through all of my records. Y/n loved them, every time she came over music would be playing. At some point I was planning on getting her a record player, but now it's too late.

The day when we had our first fight about college, I t caught her looking through stuff at my desk. I didn't care, I had nothing to hid besides the NYU letter, but when I got back home I realized she must have seen the other letters. The ones I've been writing to her. Ever since she left the library the first night we met, I decided to write her them. Tell her how much I adore her and what she means to me. Everyday I find a new thing to love about her. What should I even do with them?

"Noah...?" Chloe asks from outside my room. I walk over to the door and put my ear to it.

"What?" I question quietly.

"Can you open the door?" Chloe says softly.

"Uh, yeah." I reply, slowly cracking it open. Her hand pushes it back and it stands wide open, revealing me only in my boxers.

"Sorry, I was just trying to make sure you're okay. Do you, erm, want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now, but thanks." I reply, grabbing my track pants and putting them on. I appreciate her caring and all, but that's the last thing I want to talk about right now.

"Okay, well Mom wants to see you. She's downstairs in the kitchen." Chloe says, leaving.

I nod even though she can't see it and I grab a sweatshirt and put it on. It smells like Y/n and her perfume. That thought alone makes me want to run back into my room and hide, but I know I can't right now. It's time I get over myself and go out, even if it's just with my family. As I walk down the stairs, Spaghetti greets me and I smile, petting him. I remember when Y/n came over for the first time, she sat with him in my backyard, laughing at how adorable he was. I don't think she noticed, but I saw her do that. I just thought she was so pretty and her laugh was the cutest. God, I miss her. 

"Good morning." I say, scratching the back of my neck out of habit as I stand in the kitchen.

"Well look who's awake. How've you been sweetie?" Mom asks, leaning on the island counter.

"Fine." I mumble, walking over to the fridge and grabbing a gatorade. My mom shifts to face me and stares at me with a knowing look.  

"What happened? You've refused to talk about it for days and I haven't seen Y/n since. Did you have a fight?" Mom asks, reaching out to pat my shoulder.

"We actually broke up. We've, um, been fighting for a while and Y/n called it quits." I say, my voice going out on her name.

"Oh Noah, I'm so sorry." Mom says, walking over and wrapping her arms around me. I let her take me in her arms and I feel a small amount of comfort. Tears well up in my eyes and she rubs my back sympathetically.

"I don't know how to get her back." I whisper.

"I know you must be in pain. The first thing you can do is apologize to her, okay? I know she loves you and she's probably hurting just as much. Why don't you get dressed, get ready, and go talk to her. I know the love you have for each other and I know you can save this." Mom says, pulling back and putting her hands on my cheeks.

I nod and begin thinking of ways to go about all of it. She's right, I need to apologize. The only reason this happened is because of me and my words, so I need to make this right. But who knows if she'll even want me back? 

Either way, I'm trying and I will forever.

a/n -

this is so badly written 😩

<3 lilia