The Empress of Nodding-Gale

You could be living in a gorgeous six story house with a loving husband and no children. You could have a maid who feeds and cares for your two cats and dog, as the butler cares for you and your husband. You could be called the empress of Nodding-Gale, loved by all as you wave from your second story window, listening as everyone cheers for you.

But then your husband could die because this whole time he had a parasite in his left big toe and never told you. Then you have to care for an entire kingdom by yourself, but you don't mind.

In reality, you were the one who planted the parasite into his toe in the first place. All because you knew your husband was actually cheating on you with the maid's daughter. Then you just have to kick the daughter out of the kingdom, which should be no problem because your guards will do anything you ask of them.

The maid will never know, because you will keep her busy with chore after chore. But then, when she finally does notice, you will say her daughter just had to go out for silk and will be back within the week. Once the weekend comes around, you will switch out her daughter with a stunt double. She'll never tell the difference, because the stunt double is actually the daughter's twin who was lost during the war between the British and the Vikings.

Once that's all over, you will continue to rule your kingdom with grace and dignity, writing books of your secrets before burning them in the furnace. But, what you forgot about was that you wrote one full book of everything you've done, and so stupidly left it under your pillow.

As the maid was cleaning your room she found your secret book, reading every page before slipping it into her satchel.

That is the only reason I am able to tell you this story today, because I am actually the great great great great great great great great..... great great great... great granddaughter of the daughter of the maid.