I Just Want to Eat My Hamburger But Elon Musk Keeps Trying to Improve It

The Musk of Sorrow

I'm at my favorite local restaurant!

I skip through the Golden Arches... I can already SMELL the fresh made burgers.... ba da pa ba paaaa I'm I am loving' it!
"Do you want balloon?" asks terrifying face-painted man named 'Ronald' who haunts this otherwise perfect burger paradise. Away from me devil spawn

"Welcome to McDonalds, I love you, may I take your order?" asks the highly professionally trained burger front desk employee.
"Yes you may," I answer, "I shall be feasting on the 'Big Mac®️' today."
"Excellent choice sir."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"You're welcome too."
"Thank you."

Presently, a meticulously crafted "Huge Mac®️"- containing the finest farm fresh ingredients- is handed to me.
"How much do I owe you?" ask I.
"Don't worry about it this one's on the house!" winks the kind employee at me. How nice. That's the kind of neighborly service you just don't get at the Big Box faceless corporation chain estableshments.

Now as I am ABOUT to treat my tasty buds to the flavor of this "Gargantuan Mac®️"... somebody grabs me wrist?

It is ELECTRO CAR plus SPACE ROCKET billionaire ELON MUSK.

"Oh hey there, I couldn't help but notice you were about to eat that burger?" very rich yet charming and relatable Elon Musk says to me.
"Correct," I say, "so I Musk ask you to Teslaeve me alone so I can eat this "Cosmos-sized Mac®️"!
"Hmmmyeah okay," Elon rubs his $2 million chin, "but I see a bunch of design flaws with that burger that I could fix right up for ya."
"Fuck the what is wrong with you Elon??" I spat. "This is a McDONADS burger. Cooked to PERFECTION. Immiculately    immacutally

Imactuletely

VERY GOOD cooked, Elon!" I shout at this dopey lightweight. "So how about you SpaceXterminate yourself and let me enjoy my burger!"

"Yeah alright but how about we juuuuust...." and Elon Musk straight up TAKES my nutritious lunch from me and starts tinkering with it. "Here! Now how do you like them Teslapples" he smugly beams.

"What the flip have you done to me burger Elon!!" I cry out.
"Put a molecular solar powered batteries in it. Now this baby can reach 100mp/h in 9 seconds flat. Talk abouTalk about..... FAST food...!"
"I don't even WANT Fast Burger! Elon!" I scream at rich man Elonald Musk.
"Well then you're probably a pedophile" Elon shrugs.

Good grief such an exhausting man. 
But I shall not let him ruin my delicious meal. I move the "Bag Mac®️" to my mouth hole and prepare to take a scrumptious bite-
"Oh actually hold on" and Elon flipin YANKS the burger from my yearning hole YET AGAIN.
"If I juuuuuuust take this.... and do that......"
"Gosh DARN it Elon just hand me me my buger and let me consume in peace!"
"Tadaa!" He give my food back. Now with,,.... a big huge HOLE in it!!?

"Aerodynamics," Elon explains, "bored a tunnel in it you see." He runs a hand through his $14 million luscious head of hair. "No more need to endlessly chew through the buns. Now you can get to the burger meat, tomatoes, and Elon Mustard 65% faster. Pretty cool huh?"

"NOT cool AT ALL" I grit my teeth at the feather rufling car manufacteror. "Drill a flipin tunnel in my bunnel...." ba da pa ba pa I am not loving these antics.

Now it FINALLY is burger TIME.... I lift the bread/beef/vegetable ensemble to my face....
"Mac Attack! Mac Attack!" I chant. My front teeth scrape a sesame seed and I'm biting DOW-
"Mmmmmactually  if I can juuuust have that for a second" surprisingly strong Elon Muscular stretches my jaws apart with one hand and yoinks my burger away with the other.

"Will you STOP it, you debonair son of an assh*ole," I insult at Elon Musk.
"Just relax for a moment alright. Now if I connect that,... to THAT... mmmyeah...." Elon Muses, "Now we're cookin' with fully renewable energy....."

He gives me the "Rigged Mac®️. "Okay done. Here you go."
"Give that here! You're DONE modifying my delecious McDonald's burger, Elon Musk!"
"Yeah so what I did was, I made a-"
"No! I'll have NO MORE of your yapping and japing. I am eating the 'Mic Bag®️' right this instant!" and walking the talk indeed do I insert the ENTIRE burger in the mouth of mine.

"What've you done!" Elon Musk shrieks.
"I consumed Burger, Elom! Finally!" I gleefully rub me tummy full of tasty and healthy hamburger.
"You chucklebrain spud! This buger........ is going to MARS. And now you will too!"
"what But I don't even want to go to Mars"
"Well too late now. It's-a going to Mars" confirms Elon.

Three...

Two...

one.....

Oh shucks this Big Mac is taking off. Rocket vapor BLASTS from my under my shoes. Within 2 seconds the restaurant interior is cloud. The shiny clean restaurant tiles McShake and RUMBLE...

....TAKE OFF.

brrrrrmmmmmsssSSSSSFFHFFFHHFHFHFHHFHWHOOOOOOOOMMMmm...!!!!

All I catch is a glimpse of Cursed Jester Ronald getting his face melt off by my propulsion shoes before I am LAUNCHED through the McRoof at 1200m/h! Shooting through the stratosphere!
Now I SMASH the sound barrier! I say: "wow thanks a lot Elon for these nasty burger suprise" and 10 seconds later I hear MY OWN voice comment:  "wow thanks a lot Elon for these nasty burger suprise" wow!!!!! Science!!!!?

I wave to the moon. Wink at the stars. I'm tickled by a nebula. Soon I'll be a McMartian.

♫  And I think it's gonna be Elon long time  ♪♪

♪♪ LONG long time ♪♪

♪♪  I'm a Rocket Mac ♪♪

♪♪  Burning up my shoes out here alone ♫

DEDICATED TO ELON JOHN
1972 - 2020