Revenge Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)

Untitled Part 1

Every time she closed her eyes, she heard it. The snap of the trigger, a split second before she saw it, she couldn’t run from the scene, it would only follow her. It had been a week since the incident but it felt like it was still happening. Every creak the walls in her suburban home sent a chill down her spine, every time she heard a siren she wanted to throw up.

Time felt like it was going slowly; it felt as though she was stuck in a time trap, like this event was the end for her. She didn’t want to remember but it was hard to forget something that felt like it hadn’t yet stopped. The walls she felt like climbing, the light was too much, she sat in darkness for days, without food, without sleep, without life. It was as though she was the one who had been ridden of life. Nobody could get through to her.

She listened to them talking, her parents. Their hushed whispers weren’t hushed enough. She could hear every word, every concern. She wanted to talk to them, to tell them how she felt, but how could one express something they didn’t understand at all? It wasn’t as simple as everyone seemed to think. “You’ll feel better” They all tried to tell her, but that was nonsense. How could anything make her feel better? Her whole world had been tossed upside down and inside out. Why couldn’t they just understand that?

Where had it all gone wrong? One day they were all the best of friends, eating ice-cream under her trampoline after school, and suddenly it was as if they hardly knew each other, everything had completely changed and nothing would ever be the same.

What saddened her the most was the lack of contact being made by her friends, not one phone call, no letters or emails sent either. It was as though they had forgotten about her completely, as if they didn’t even care how much pain she was in. They couldn’t possibly understand what it was like for her, but they weren’t even trying. Maybe she wouldn’t have answered her phone if they’d called, but they didn’t even give her a chance to decline. They didn’t care at all.

She had assumed that Benji would at least have tried texting her, they’d been friends since they were five years old. They’d been through everything together, absolutely everything. Twelve years of friendship and now when she needed him the most, he didn’t even bother calling or stopping by. He just left her to pick up her own pieces, those very pieces that were still shattered on the floor, broken with no hope of piecing back together, the puzzle was impossible irresolvable. It was a dead end.

Footsteps loomed around the corner, tap, and tap as they were coming closer and closer. Hidden behind her duvet, trembling with anxiety, she just wanted to be left alone. She couldn’t take it, the shadow lurked outside her room, the figure was pacing up and down. She watched, afraid. Her eyes were the only part of her, peaking out of her covers her own brand of protection.

She hated the sounds of her squeaky door, it pushed against her hardwood floorboards, the ground creaking as the boy walked in. She closed her tired eyes, not wanting to look at him. She couldn’t bring herself to face him, with his red hoodie, and ripped up jeans. He walked over the mess. The photographs plagued her floors like a sea of lava, deadly as sin. He stepped over the pictures, not looking down at the memories. She felt a dip on her bed; his warmth was felt at her feet. He hadn’t yet spoken but she knew it was coming.

It was silent for a moment, only the sounds of the two bodies breathing. They weren’t in sync, her breaths were slower, and his more frequent like he’d just gained them back. She wasn’t going to move, she wasn’t willing to speak, at least not first. He was the one who came, she never asked him to appear. Anger rippled through her body for a split second. How dare he wait this long? How dare he let her suffer alone for so long, she wanted to hurt him, the bang her fists against his chest and beat the hell out of him but she had no strength. She hadn’t slept, or eaten in days. She was a wreck; she couldn’t lash out at him even if she tried. So there she sat, limp to the core, wanting to scream but having no voice. Trapped in world that was filled with bad memories, everywhere she turned she was reminded of what had happened; he was just sitting there like old times. Just a lump of a body taking up space, her space and she wanted him gone.