Night Changes

1

'But theres nothing to be afraid of, even when the night changes, it will not change you and me'

 ***

‘I cant believe Im doing this’

It’s the thought that has gone through my head almost constantly over the last two weeks. Well, that and ‘I cant believe he asked me’.

The similarities to my current stance and that of my position just over eight months ago were striking. Purse over one shoulder, opposite hand clutching a large duffle bag stuffed to the brim with all the last minute things I knew I would need over the last two days as all my personal belongings were slowly filtered from my home, stomach in knots as I tried repeatedly to remind myself that this was a good thing. The difference this time, was that as much as I truly wanted to do this, I was terrified. Last time, I was terrified because I had been forced into such a move.

Last time, I had been leaving my home and life in New York City after the fallout of my relationship. He had cheated, blatantly, and I knew I couldn’t stay. It would have been so easy for me to just stay there, say I forgave him, and try and make things work based solely on my fear of moving on. But I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t that person. So I left.

I came to London, and started my life over. The plan was simple; move to the city I dreamed of, start a new job that I loved, and make a few friends. See. Simple. And I had been lucky enough to get that small wish. But I had also gotten a something extra that I hadnt counted on. Something that I had sworn not to have in my life again for quite a while. That little extra was the reason I was standing here now.

Content.

That was all I could register. No other senses were noticeable. All I could feel was the all consuming contentment radiating out from my body.

 

I shifted slightly, nuzzling my head into Harrys chest a little further, my arm snaking across his middle as my legs tangled with his. There was nothing more calming, nothing more perfect to me than the feeling of being in this mans arms. 

 

I had never felt this way before. And not even just in a relationship. My failed prior attempt at love that had thrust me out and into this new life in its fallout had given me only a sampling, a mere glimpse of what this was supposed to be like. How it was supposed to feel. It wasn’t until I moved here and met Harry that I truly realized how it was supposed to be. That all those Lifetime movies and Nicholas Sparks novels, as corny and unrealistic as they had seemed at the time, really did have it right if you were lucky enough to find that person. And he was my person.

 

Not to make it sound like it was all sunshine and unicorns. Definitely not. Our relationship had been anything but easy. The first few months as lovely as they were had been shadowed by the intuition that he had been hiding something. All that time, I tried to convince myself it was nothing and that I could live without knowing. All the while knowing full well that it was all going to come crashing down eventually. And boy did it ever. In the form of a throw down fists out match between Harry and my newfound best friend from across the hall, Louis. The two had hated each other for years, for reasons they refused to divulge, until that day when everything came crashing down.

 

It had felt like a kick in the stomach, to hear all of the secrets and lies Harry had told falling into the open like a broken dam. Harrys fathers fortunes, passed on to him, in the wake of his arrest for fraud. The blame placed on Louis’ father, throwing him to the same fate, destroying both families and ruining their friendship. The countless businesses that fell under the Styles name, including my current place of employment, where I had actually come to meet and know Harry from the start. It was like he had owned me from the very beginning, and I had been none the wiser.