Hermione and the House Elf

Chapter 1 - Well Shit

All in all the day had not gone at all to Hermione's plan. She had intended to spend the evening further researching elves for SPEW and had somehow ended up in the kitchens with a hysterical house elf.

The library had become extremely less inviting when apparently Draco Malfoy and all his awful friends had decided to turn up there probably, Hermione assumed, thinking up new ways to tease Potter. She decided that she was far too tired to deal with Malfoy's bullshit and simply turned on her heel and walked out. She kept on walking with no intention of heading back to the Gryffindor common rooms, pondering the fact that Malfoy spends so much time thinking of Harry you would think he liked him. She was pulled back to reality by a loud crash in a nearby classroom followed by an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Peeves" Hermione grumbled under her breath and, once again, finding she was in no mood to deal with any bullshit, stalked down the nearest corridor. It was coming to her attention as she stomped down a set of stairs with a murderous look on her face, causing a couple of first-year Hufflepuffs to practically throw themselves out the way, that she perhaps wasn't in the best of moods. Not that it was her fault, of course, it's just that everyone was apparently well versed in breathing in a particular way that she had to quell the urge to throttle them. Maybe she was just stressed, Hermione thought as she absentmindedly paused at a painting and tickled the pear, it was as though no one else was constantly aware of the fact that exams were just around the corner and then it would be OWLs then NEWTs and next she's Minister of Magic without the foggiest idea of how to run a stupid country.

"ARRRGHHHH" Hermione screamed, shocking herself so thoroughly she had to sit down at the nearest table just to get steady. Breaking out of her thoughts she glanced around and realised where she had apparently walked to, the kitchens. Of course, my dumb brain decided food and slave labour would help, Hermione thought spitefully apparently deciding that she was now annoying herself.

The slave labour in question, or House Elves as most witches called them, had recoiled in shock at Hermione's sudden outburst and the tea and biscuits they were going to offer her were now splattered across half the room. The elves recovered quickly and set about cleaning up the mess and making a fresh batch of biscuits.

"Miss Granger, Dobby was wondering when Dobby would see you again ma'am." Dobby was sporting his usual pair of odd socks, gym shorts, and the tea-cosy on his head and he was beaming at Hermione whilst practically pulling her arm out of its socket in his eagerness to shake her hand. He and Hermione took a seat at one of the benches and Dobby launched into everything he had done that day, mentioning he was a free elf every other sentence in case Hermione forgot.

"Well I'm glad you're enjoying your freedom Dobby," Hermione lowered her voice, "have you managed to convince any of the others?"

"Nope, Dobby thinks the other house elves don't trust Dobby, but no matter, they've got to trust Dobby eventually." Dobby continued beaming and Hermione agreed whole-heartedly.

"Definitely," said Hermione, taking a large bite out of a digestive, "they've just never been free before, that's all." At that moment Winky had shuffled over to them and begrudgingly offered them some fruitcake. Hermione's mood fell once again at the sight of the elf, she was filthy with huge bags under her eyes and was covered in old food.

"Hey Winky, how are you doing." Hermione was trying to keep her tone soft. Winky glared up at her but didn't say anything. Dobby decided to answer for her, "Not good ma'am, Winky is not taking her unemployment well. Dobby has told Winky that Mr Dumbledore is far nicer than Mr Crouch but Winky doesn't listen."

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY MASTER!" Winky was shaking with fury and had dropped the fruitcake.

"Winky, calm down, it's ok, everything's fine," Hermione attempted desperately thinking of comforting shit to say. Winky was having none of it, she launched onto Dobby and started throwing her arms aggressively. It took five house elves to pry her off and another five to contain Dobby who was livid at the fact that Winky had ripped his tea cosy.

Hermione stood there in shock and watched Winky burst into hysterical tears whilst pounding her fists on the ground.

"Winky, come now this is ridiculous." Winky began to cry even louder if possible.

"Winky, honestly, Mr Crouch was awful to you." Winky was now screaming at the top of her lungs. Hermione was very quickly losing her cool and was finding it increasingly difficult to remember the calming breathing exercises her therapist had taught her.

"Winky," Winky started to bang her head against the ground with alarming strength, "WINKY STOP, NOW." The elf froze, as though held still by an invisible force. Hermione couldn't believe her luck, "sit down and take some calming breaths." Amazingly, Winky did just that and was now staring up at Hermione in awe.

"Mistress," she murmured quietly and Hermione hoped to Merlin she heard wrong. "Mistress." Winky repeated with an air of finality.

"Fuck, no, shit, no fuck, shit," Winky continued staring in the same manor, "SHIT, no, I didn'-, the fuck, I'm no-, shit shit shit shit SHIT." Winky had now stood up and was bowing deeply to Hermione. Hermione... was panicking to put it simply, probably hyperventilating, definitely panicking.

"No no no no no no no no no, I know this isn't happening, no fucking way this is not happening shIT." Winky was still bowing and had a humongous grin on her face.

"Er, can you maybe stop bowing, it's just kinda sorta incredibly, um, no?" In her shock Hermione seemed to have forgotten the majority of her vocabulary not that anyone took any notice. All the other house elves - other than Dobby who was now cradling his torn tea cosy - were watching the pair with rapt attention.

"Uhhh, Winky, I'm not your mistress." Winky surveyed Hermione with a slow blink.

"Yes, mistress is." Winky had an odd air of confidence around the statement that Hermione did not fucking sign up to. She wanted off this boat as soon as fucking possible.

"Ummm, no, I'm the leader of SPEW, the leader of SPEW can't have a house elf, I can't have a house elf. Why am I even saying this, you can't just decide to be my house elf, that's not how it works." Winky gave another slow blink.

"Mistress wants Winky to have free will. Winky freely chooses Mistress as Winky's mistress."

"That's not, that can't be, oh shit."