Take a Knee

say his name

I am disgusted yet again as I scroll through my Twitter feed. I don't understand how a country that's supposed to be the land of the free is killing people. They are treating people of color as if they are inhuman. The Black community continues to be victims of police brutality. They are murdered by the people who swore to serve and protect.

I have no words that can formulate a sentence after watching that video. The cop continued to kneel on George Floyd's neck even after begging and telling the cop he couldn't breath. Soon George Floyd went unconscious and bystanders protested and told the cop to take his knee off, but he just stared and didn't move. He was slowly suffocating George Floyd to his death. This white coward racist of a cop just murdered someone without a blink of an eye. Bystanders yelled at him to check for a pulse, but he continued to hold his knee on yet another victim of police brutality.

I feel like throwing up. I am pissed. The justice system continues to fail people who aren't white. People of color are suffering and dying because racists continue to think they are superior and are continually put in positions of power.

"Lexi, come on. We were supposed to be in the lobby 2 minutes ago." My roommate, Mal Pugh, says cutting off my thoughts. The video fresh in my mind and emotions running high I choose not to speak scared my voice and actions will betray me. I get up and follow her out the door.

The bus ride consisted of people getting into game mode. I, on the other hand, focused on something else. We arrive and warm up and soon head back to the lockers to change into our game uniform. As we changed into our kits, I quickly and sneakily escaped the locker room to the medical exam room.

"I need cloth tape. The widest roll you have." I tell Sarah our trainer.

"Are you okay?" She questions me as she stands up and inspects my body looking for an injury.

"I am okay. It's for something else. I need it and a sharpie." She nods as we have known each other since I have made the team 3 years ago and knows not to question me.

As everyone starts to line up to head out I finish writing George Floyd's name in large letters on the tape and placing the tape on the back of the jersey to cover my own name. I put my hair in a high bun to make sure it isn't covering his name.

"What are you doing?" Vlatko says as he grabs my arm before we walk out. "You are starting, don't let the team suffer because of your actions." He says knowing how controversial my actions can make things. I look him in the eye and without another word walk out with the starting 11.

"It's a big game. Don't do anything stupid." Carli whispers as we stand ready for the anthem.

As her words left her mouth, the anthem played and I lowered myself onto one knee. I can hear gasps and see people pointing but I keep my poker face. Awareness of police brutality and racial inequality needs to be brought to people's attention. I don't care if I get fined or suspended. People need to talk about something that is very real and present and I will not continue to just let the justice system fail people because of the color of their skin.

Soon the anthem ends and as I stand up, there are boos coming from everywhere in the crowd. I don't let it get to me at all as I know what I did wasn't for anyone's satisfaction. If it gets people to start talking about the reason why I kneeled then I did what I had to do.

"I'm proud of you kid." Pinoe puts her hand on my shoulder. "But the US Soccer Federation isn't going to like it. Prepare yourself." I know she's saying that out of experience and I nod understandingly. When Pinoe kneeled, the federation put a knee policy that players must stand through the national anthem or they have to be in the locker room if they refuse to. I am ready for all the trash talk I am about to receive. I am ready to be suspended.

"Lexi!" Vlatko calls me over. "You know you are a valuable player to this team yet you jeopardize it because you wanted to make a statement? I got a text from the big boss. You are suspended until further notice and will receive a $10,000 fine. Do not talk to any interviewer or make statements on social media or else they will increase your fine."

"That's fine." I simply say.

"They also want you to remove his name from your jersey." He tells me as I walk to the bench.

"No." I hold my ground.

"Lexi, this doesn't only reflect on you, but me as well as I can't control a player on my team." He begs. "They want it off the jersey. Please."

"Tell them I won't obey their rules." I say and watch him get frustrated.

"Go to the locker room." He commands. "Stay in there for the game or head back to the hotel."

I see my teammates who aren't starting watching the entire conversation I was having with  coach. They are waiting for my next move.

"Goodbye." I say and head to the locker room to grab my stuff and head to the hotel.

I take off my jersey and place it on a desk and snap a picture with the tape still placed. I attach the photo to a tweet that says, "Say his name. #GeorgeFloyd"

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In light of recent events, I decided to write this to express my emotions. I am disappointed and pissed at our systems continuing to fail people. It never ends. George Floyd's murder should have never happened and people need to talk about the corrupted systems and racists being in positions of authority. There are so many stories of police brutality but this one sent me off the rails. I would apologize for sharing my opinion but it needs to be said. 

stay safe,

-AK