"We were always meant to say goodbye" Monty and Winston One-Shot

"Let him go"

Disclaimer- Season 4 Spoilers!! Ahead!

A/N: So I've finished Season 4 and I have to say I'm disappointed but I'm happy, I'm more disappointed that Monty didn't get his name cleared and that he's actually dead, and the fact that Winston "loves Alex" however I'm glad that Winston is on good terms with him, but I think another reason why he didn't bring the confession to the police was Monty- he probably didn't want to be dragged into it, like I think he wanted him to move on and live a happy life even if it's without him, it's sad but he knows it's the right thing. At least that's my opinion from what I think but Idk, but with that being said, let's start!

'My life was never where I wanted it to be.. I didn't get a loving family that cared about me or worried about my safety.. All I fucking got, was a mother who never really visited us, I couldn't blame her.. Dad always made her life hell.. Then there is my Dad.. who was always drunk about 90% of the time, and even when he wasn't, he would beat the fuck out of me but for what? Failing school? Leaving the house without permission? Sports? Actually it was none of that, he did it because that's all he ever does whether if it was breaking my arm or punching the shit out of me until he would leave bruises.. because of him I always imagined that my life would never change.. I would never change.. and I was fucking right.. just knew it..
And I remembered myself thinking, maybe being alive is a mistake.. All I'll ever be is fucked for life.. I wouldn't be able to change that.. not then and especially not now.. and as I remembered those thoughts

I also remembered thinking that being dead would be fucking hard.. that it was something that I would never want to happen.. that I wanted to live.. But even though that was partial true.. what would be the gain for that..? My life was fucked up.. I messed up Tyler's life because of my own rage.. I spent my whole life being  abused by someone who was supposed to "support me" to "love me" but I knew I'll never have that, even if it was something I wanted.

I also couldn't be who I wanted to be, I wouldn't be able to explore my sexuality after years not being able to be my true self, I wouldn't be able to know my own feelings, my feelings for Winston. I wouldn't be able to give him happiness and be able to live my life as it was.. there was nothing to gain from that.. the truth was.. dying made it all simpler.. it made it painful when I bleed out from each stab.. but it was as if I was free.. free from my demons.. free from the monster my father created.. learn from my own mistakes.. I could finally be at peace in a fucked up way.. and for the first time in my life I wasn't afraid.

I could watch over the people I tormented over the years.. Tyler.. and Clay.. I also could look over the people who I hated for taking shit that I wanted.. Jessica.. and Zach.. But I could also look after someone who was there for me despite what I did.. someone who cared.. Winston..

He was angry.. He was upset.. He wanted revenge for what happened to me.. and as much I appreciated being defended against Clay's friends after they covered up who really killed Bryce.. But deep down I knew this wasn't going to solve anything.. the case was closed and there was no reason to re-open it again. Enough was enough, Winston shouldn't be involved in this mess because, He's a good guy, He's decent.. something I wanted but wasn't able to do..

I stood there in a tux, looking directly at Winston, as my eyes locked onto his I felt my heart throb out of my chest as he walked over to me, my eyes consisted on his as I lent out my hand something I would never do in front of anyone, and knowing that I felt satisfied that I could at least be with him for one final moment, I knew that my time was coming to an end, I knew I have to move on and find myself at peace as he should do the same.

I waited a couple seconds as I looked back at my hand and back at him smiling while I waited for him to reciprocate the action, licking his lips he finally took my hand in his, the feeling caused my own body to freeze up in his touch but it felt nice to be able to hold his hand again, to touch him once more, I missed it, I missed him

Rubbing his knuckles I set it in my hand as my other hand reached his back, looking in his eyes I couldn't help but think that I was lucky enough to gaze into them one final time. My eyes met his lips that I desperately wanted to touch with mine, god I would do anything to be able to kiss him again.. My eyes then returned to him as our bodies slowly moved to the song "I never could've done this" I started to say as I glanced at him with a cheeky smile "dance with you." I felt Winston's hand on my shoulder as we moved to the song together in a slow steady motion "I think you could've" he responded as the smile on my face had quickly disappeared, but my brown eyes still locked on his as we moved together "I loved you"

Those words "I love you" caused me to feel something mixed inside me, I had no idea what it was, I wasn't exactly sure if I loved him but I did know I cared for him, enough for him to not feel that way about me, the thought of it terrified me, I just couldn't let him feel that way even if I wanted him to finally responding to him I shaked my head as I said "you didn't even know me"

I found myself surprised that he didn't say anything about knowing me in my own imagination that was true, he didn't know me the way most people know me, like what I did to Tyler or how I harassed Justin and Clay even Jessica.. in reality he knew me in a way no one else did, as much I didn't want to admit that to him or even myself.. But he knew me better than I knew myself, he understood me and never once judged me, he accepted me who I was and even let me stay with him when shit got bad. But I knew that he shouldn't love me, in my imagination and in reality, I'm not good for him, I'm fucked up, I'm a horrible human being.. I would ruin him and he doesn't deserve that.

"And I would never let you love me.. I didn't let anyone.." his eyes never left mine as I moved with him not even letting him go despite what we're discussing "but I didn't get a chance to try" my eyes widened a little as I felt my body become numb but refused to give out, I couldn't even let go of his hand even if I tried "I miss you.." My jaw clenched as our eyes gaze over eachother as if we were the last two people on earth nothing mattered but me and him but I know I couldn't let my feelings take over once more "you miss the idea of me, listen to me, live with the living"

He needed to let me go, as much I didn't want this to happen, and as much as I wanted to feel what it's like to have a good boyfriend, to know what it would be like, with him it was too late, I'm already gone, he can't bring me back I know that but he at least deserves to be with someone who can make him happy, who can give him a decent life, even if it hurts me from deep within at least I would know that he was happy and I would be able to live with that.

I twirled him around and pulled him back towards me, my hands rested at his waist as his wrapped around my neck, my eyes drifted towards his face as we both smiled gently as our noses and foreheads had touched, within a moment later I pressed his lips against mine as he returned the kiss with a brief moment of passion as our lips pulled away from the contact, I felt myself wanting to kiss him longer to be able to have that moment but I couldn't gain the courage to as his eyes looked down as I still held onto him. Instead, I pulled him closer to my body and embraced him, holding on to him as if it was the only thing left I could hold onto, my chin rested on his shoulder as I felt tears swelled down my eyes but I pulled away before he noticed anything, my gaze drew to the floor quickly but I managed to look at him once more before I pulled away walking towards the door, I felt his eyes never leave my body as I turned to the door, smiling one last time I waved him goodbye..

'Thank you Winston, because of you I'll be able to finally be at peace within myself, and it is because of you that I finally know what it feels like to love someone like you.. Thank you, be well for me,until we meet again Yours, Monty.."

I hoped you guys like it! I thought that would be cute for this tragic ending between these two. They deserve so much better 😭😭💔💔 but I definitely do plan to write more fanfics for these two, since I graduate Friday I'll definitely will be able to write more with them! 😄😄 but let me know your thoughts, it means alot 💜