Please Come Back (Before I Lose Myself)

It had been exactly 2 hours and 13 minutes since Luisa Alver saw her beautiful lover lay dead in front of her. Exactly 2 hours and 13 minutes since her heart shattered into millions of pieces. It was broken to the point where no glue in the world could fix it. There was, however, one thing that could somehow make it less painful for the time-being. A substance that Luisa had fought with many times in the past. It made her feel good about herself, and that's all Luisa needed. Was to feel good about one thing in her life.

She lay lifeless on the hospital chair. Listening to the dripping from the tap synchronize with the breath of a sleeping Susanna Barnett, arm wrapped in blue. She couldn't get it out of her head. The image of her. Laying there. Betrayed aqua meeting horrified hazel. All she could think about was the last thing that Rose had said to her.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶...𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱?"

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰."

There was nothing she could say. She couldn't tell her everything she had always wanted to.

"𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦𝘴."

"𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵."

"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮?"

"𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮,"

"𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶,"

"𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶,"

"𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥,"

"𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶,"

Nothing was left but broken memories and what if's. At this point, Luisa very much wanted a drink.
"Susanna?" She whispered cautiously. Susanna lifted her head groggily, and let out a hum of question.
"I need to leave for a bit. Just rest, I'll come back soon."
That's when Luisa made the mistake that she had continuously made throughout her life. The poison was implanted in her blood, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop relying on it to keep ruining her life. But...how could something so wrong feel so right?

....................

"Ma'm, are you feeling okay?" He asked. Luisa laughed loudly. She banged her head against the leather cushioning of the chair.
"HA! Am I feeling okay? Am I feeling okay? I'm so not okay, that it's actually making me feel wonderful! Absolutely SPECTACULAR! Now give me the damn thing I PAID FOR!" The man in the black bandanna seemed concerned for a moment, then returned to his neutral state.
"Okay, miss. What is it that you want?" Luisa pulled down her shirt to reveal her collar bone.
"I want a flower here." She slurred, eyelids falling. "A really really really really really really red..." She paused for a moment, voice softening. "...rose." Luisa's eyes filled up with tears, and she blinked them back for a second, before letting out a soft sob.
"Ma'm, are you sure-"
"Just give me the damn rose!" Luisa bellowed. She laid back on the leather chair, and bared her teeth as she tried to hold back from screaming. Whether it was out of ink being carved into her skin, heartbreak or a painful combination of the two, well, she wasn't quite sure. All she did was focus on the chipped paint on the wall in the corner, as she listened to the screaming sound of something she would surely regret in the morning...

............................

"𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶...𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵..."

Luisa watched as the ever so somewhat distracting Susanna left the room. She let out a sigh. Either out of frustration, exhaustion or relief was a mystery.
She ran her hands through her hair and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. As she was unbuttoning her flannel shirt, she caught a glance of her broken self in the mirror. Bags under her eyed, smeared makeup, hair falling out of a messy bun. Everything seemed to become equivalent to her feelings. Luisa was not going to let herself fall apart. She was going to be strong, because if she let herself think and feel, she would go crazy again. She couldn't do that. She couldn't let her guard down.

As Luisa was taking off her shirt, she saw it. She small design marked into her skin. A small curved stem with a blooming rose on the top. The soft red ink complimenting her olive skin. As Luisa caught sight of the permanent symbol of everything she lost, she finally lost it. She sank down to the cold tile floor and curled up. Luisa finally let herself fall apart. The red rose was a bad idea from the beginning, just like the beautiful redhead herself. Only the ink in her skin was permanent, unlike Luisa's former lover.

"𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧."