The Game

My game

"All rise. Department One of the superior court is now in session. Judge Vex presiding. Please be seated" (Bailiff ). ..."Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: the defendant has been charged with the crime of second degree murder " (Deputy DA). Iam 22 years old sitting in court for something I don't give two sh** about and that I definently don't regret. If I'm being honest I'm not sure how this all began. Of course I know what came first in the chain of events, but I'm not sure what particularly got me to begin this game. Was it the adrenaline? The lies? Or was it both? What provoked me to do these things? Some may say obsession, lust , love, pressure, boredom, or lost of faith. But I'll let you decide what it is for your self. I always thought love was a beautiful thing but there is a thin line between love and hate and for me that line was always crossed faster then I wanted . I've always liked to play games, even when I was younger. I just hated the game ending before I was done playing, which I assume is why I get aggressive when an ex tries to end the relationship before I say it's over. It's never over until I say so, because I-am in control. It all started when I met the love of my life. His name is Dequan but I'd call him De just like he'd call me Te. Well I've had a couple loves in my life before I met De. Of course I stalked them, that's what people do when they have strong feelings for someone and want to get to know them right? And I also had them not only rapped around my finger but also rapped up in my game. Don't be so quick to judge me, I know its easy to judge what you don't understand. But, you will understand once I'm done. However just like the others me and De met in school. I'd never forget, the day was young summer break was going to start in about 3 minutes and some boy couldn't keep there eyes off of the back of my head. I turn hastily, and say " what, is there a lump back there"? He turns away then looks back at me and murmurs something that I couldn't exactly make out so I say " I don't speak mute boy u freak", he says nothing. As soon as the bell rang he scurried away. After that testy moment passed I never thought about it again, because that's all it was a test. The quiet scronny little nerd was testing my patience so I showed about...zero pity. The rest of the summer I had little flings but nothing serious. I never told any of my friends because they would be disappointed that I dated those revolting looking critters. Over the summer a few things changed. My butt became juicy and I found out almost all of my friends were annoying, and stuck up crones. Tenth grade would be a new start. I just hoped people wouldn't see me as the rude popular girl anymore because I had turned over a new leaf. The new school year started August 10th and everyone and I looked different. We talked different. There were even different friend groups than before. During my fourth period I found myself staring at the back of some boys head. He was brown skin just like me only I'm considered dark skin. I knew for sure he was a jock just by the way he maneuvered around the class, and talked back to the teacher. In the middle of me studying him, he says something but I'm still just looking at him and admiring him. So he speaks again but this time I hear him. I couldn't believe it, I knew exactly who he was when he said " what is there a lump back there ?" His name was Dequan. He was a straight up nerd he use to have glasses and all. But now he looks like Michael B Jordan in The movie Creed. My mind immediately flashed back to the last day of 9th grade and remembered the words, what is there a lump back there slowly coming out of my mouth. I thought Jeez how embarrassing he probably thought I was a succubus. I quickly think about what to say. I could be rude but I said just a few nights ago I was going to be different this year. But something inside me still said " awe is that little mute boy finally speaking up?" The whole class shouts "ooooooooooooo". But that's not what I wanted, I didn't want that kind of attention. Dequan shakes his head and sits back down. Why did he have to provoke me? All he had to do was sit in that desk in front of me and ignore my lustful stares. But I regretted what I said to him now and what I said the last day of 9th grade. A few months pass and surprisingly I'm still single. Somehow I developed a mild crush on Dequan. He's such a sweet talker, tall, and black. He has now been chosen to play my maleficent and diabolical game. Someone should've warned him and all the others before him that I would be the death of them. But if they had, I wouldn't have had so much fun. I started off slow. The first thing I did was give myself 7 months to make him fall in love with. I thought it would be easy, soon enough he wouldn't be able to function with out me. I told friends about the plan, and they thought I was crazy. I loved it when they'd say "ur crazy" it was my fuel. One day I yell " mute boy" as I purge De's-locker. I see his head go down in annoyance once he hears my voice. Once I became face to face with him I said "Why are you so quiet around me, I'd ask you on a date but I'm afraid id be talking the whole time". I laugh calmly right before he says "you'd like that a lot wouldn't you?" Then he just storms off. This was going to be harder than I thought. I needed to somehow give him the remote and from there he would get addicted. So I had to learn more about him, I'll come right out and say that I stalked him and I would do it some more if I could. I watched him. I practice talking to him in the mirror and predict what he would say back, judging by his daily conversations. I started to louer him to me. I would steal his things and use the things I've stolen from him right in front of him, until one day he came up to my locker, as I was smelling his pe shirt that I took out of his locker in the gym locker room . (We aren't going to get into how I got his lock code) . In a spooky, deep and unsettling voice he says "who's the freak now". Haha just thinking of that moment gives me tingles because he just started my twisted game without even knowing. See I had to get him on my level. I had to turn him evil so I can be seen as his one and only angel and overall saint. He ends up texting me a few days later asking what my obsession with him is. Most people in this situation would try to deny, but to reel them in you have to keep them clueless but wanting more at the same time. He needed to think he was in control. I just told him a little bit of what he wanted to hear along with the truth. I type " I like you, and I like stalking you. What do you expect me to do? Your always so quiet around me. I've watched you for months and I don't plan on stoping." De sent a text a few minutes later that said " You freak, your crazy don't come near me again ." Others hearts might start beating very fast wishing they never admitted to stalking him. But me, I knew exactly how this would play out so I wait about 2 hours. Coincidentally I get a text from De that says " want to meet". I had to decide whether I should meet him or not. It had only been 5 months, and I didn't want to move to fast and make a mistake. I decided to meet him at the park and play hard to get of course. He walks up to me stares at me for about 5 seconds and then starts making out with me. But then I stop him and step back. I wasn't sure what to do at this time, So I say "what are you doing" ? He whipped the slobber off the corner off his mouth trying to look sexy and said "I've been watching you for years ". See, and everyone thought I was the one obsessed. His response sort of threw me off so I decided to be hasty and let him think I have a heart. On that crazy night we decided to date. A year passed and at this point in time our relationship was on edge. I had cheated on him 7 times, and broke up with him 20 times. The crazy thing is that this is the game. My desirable game. I'm an emotion tester. As soon as he's getting ready to officially end things, I come up some sort of sob story to make him stay. And he did every time. People always say "it's all fun and games until...". But for me there's never an "until", it always was, and will be fun and games, for me anyway. I wanted to test his reaction to each testy thing I'd do. How long it would take him to officially break? I followed my game instructions very precisely. I did each step. I pulled him down to my level, gave him the remote,got him addicted, and tested his emotions and reactions for 2 years. He would get so mad. He'd rage just like anyone would playing an X box game. But this isn't an X box game, this is my game and he is my favorite player. Another year passes we are both 20 now and he's still hooked on my game. I know your thinking I'm the bad guy and your right "I'm the bad guy.... duh" -Billie Ilish. We are now living together I made him drop out of college, because I don't know I just wanted him to. After we moved in together he seemed miserable. He walked around with his head down. I'd kiss him but, I felt like he knew it was fake. The game was killing him. He had became  dead inside. He had lost his soul. One day he woke up in the middle of the night screaming "I can't anymore" I jump up grab my flashlight, and shine it in his face and say suspiciously "can't do what?"  Then he says " Iam terrified of you" then he goes back to sleep. I just sit there not in shock but in awe. That's my favorite thing to hear come out someone's mouth . In the middle of me thinking about what he said, De whispers " why did you choose me to play ?" Then I get on top of him, lean my face down to his ear and whisper "because I'm cold hearted with no shame". Then I role back to my side of the bed and watch him dream of my game. The next morning I wake up and he still hasn't woken up. I shake him and say "De". He knows when I wake up the first thing out of my mouth is his name and then a few seconds after I say his name he would say mine. He wasn't waking up. I start to panic, I hop out of bed and run around to his side of the bed and check his heart beat and I didn't get a pulse. By this time Iam crying. Not in sadness but in rage and in acrimony. I say in a deep and unsettling tone " The game does not end until I say SO". I start shaking him, slapping him, and then punching him. "Wake up, wake up" I say. "You do as I say Dequan, I'm not done with you yet". "It's not over, this isn't the end. My game! I decide how it ends and I will always win". I now grab the flash light and start beating him with it. I slam his head over and over on the edge of the desk were the glass lamp is. I keep smashing his head. SMASH SMASH SMASH! And keep on smashing until the glass light falls and shatters on his bleeding and cut opened head. Now I'm crying in sadness because I'll never get to feel his body heat anymore, he was always so warm and full of life. I look around and I see blood splattered on the wall, and carpet. I see his brains on the bed and also on the wall and carpet. Besides the loud ringing and the sound of blood droplets falling off the wall above me and onto my shoulder I hear something that sounds like police sirens. Before I can even think to figure out how the police got called, they had kicked down my door and were dragging me out the house and into a police car. They say one of the neighbors called. But I didn't buy that. While I was in the car I thought about how the police got called. Then I remembered last night during my sleep when I heard what sounded like De on the phone. He must have known he was going to die. He set me up! I say out loud "you sly dog". Right after that one of the coppers tase me. I don't remember what happend much after that. All I know is Iam sitting in court about to hear my sentence. And I glance over and see De ! I'm looking at him right in his eyes and he looking at me in mine. I realized now what had happened. After the judge says Iam sentenced to life, the cops grab my arms and walk me through the door, and I can't help but notice some boy staring at the back of my head. So I say "is there a lump back there?" Then I look away and then look back and notice The boy staring at me was De. I thought I was just seeing things before but was it really him? I start fighting the guards saying "no no no" and "stopppp!" In the mist of my cries De says " it's all apart of my game and you chose to play". I was the one chosen to play his twisted and diabolical game. This was never my game. He made me believe I was in control of what happened next, when really I never was in control. I look over to where De was before and he was gone.  What particular made him begin this ? Was it for get back? Or obsession? What provoked him to do these things? Am I the victim? Was it ever my game? Who was robbed of life? Me or Him? Who was the sociopath? Me or him? GAME OVER.