Heels Under Heads (18+) PAUSED

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

SONG: BROKEN BONES BY KALEO

• ATLAS JAXON •

People will tell you that I'm the biggest jerk they've ever met. Someone had to take the role.

It's life. It's the balance that people strive hard to maintain. In my thirty-three years of living had I once wondered if balance does exist or if it's one of the many inside jokes of humanity. The aftermath of a hook-up with two women I met at a business opening was a philosophical moment under the stars. I was on the rooftop at the afterparty thrown by a Pasadena golf enthusiast named Steve; khaki shorts, country club cap, and baby pink polo—the complete package. My eyes had taken the universe's offer to watch her—to admire the white spots that glittered her navy blue skin. She is a unique woman, the universe. A woman who, after numerous proposals, still hasn't agreed on being mine, though for a fact I know; I'm not the only person pursuing her.

Two sweaty bodies were on either side of me. One was named Chelsea and the other Amber, if I remember clearly. One was a MILF with lip injections, a smoke addiction, and a restraining order from her ex-husbands's blonde bombshell. The other, Chelsea, she was a wild one: pink hair with purple streaks, glitter lipstick, and a very high-pitched wail that almost had us caught. She wanted me to call her Cumdump and we were too far into it to refuse.

T'was a wild night and wild nights have me thinking more than I should. Have you ever took part in a threesome? An orgy, maybe? They're bomb, I tell you. It's not like I'm requiring you to be in group sex, but once I'd been in one, I felt like I can finally die.

Going back—where were we? ah, balance.

There's always the good and the evil, the light and the dark, the love and the hate. Some people say that there's no such thing as evil, there's no such thing as dark, and there's no such thing as hate. They say that evil is the lack of good, dark the lack of light, and hate the lack of love. So how do you balance good on a seesaw when the kid on the other side is fucking obese? Well, maybe a seesaw is a shitty representation of balance in the first place. Good doesn't come in a seesaw-like scale, it comes in a beaker—those glass things with labels in sci-fi movies. I'm a sucker for those films. I'm also a sucker for romcoms, but I'm not gonna talk about that.

To have balance between love and the lack of it, you don't fill that glass container to the brim—you never fill it to the brim or else it'll spill and you'll be left with a mess. You fill it enough to get a healthy amount. People like me prevent humanity from pouring too much good, light, or love. We're... we're a lid, stupid as it sounds. We're a lid—lids don't limit substance like they hate it, they only prevent leaking.

Here are other ways to see it: people don't pour the whole bag of flour into a bowl just because they have a whole bag of flour. People don't adopt a hundred dogs just because a hundred dogs are available for adoption. A man does not have sex with five women at once just because five naked women want him. Do not try to have sex with five women at once. They will murder you just to resurrect you and kill you again. Even if you have giraffe-neck penis which you are overly confident about, do not. It's still a matter of stamina. Okay?

Fuck, where was I again? Yes, balance.

I exist to piss people and make them realize that life isn't just rainbows, unicorns and free grocery market samples. There are also one-bar WiFi signals, unflattering bedsheet ripples, and the possibility of a snake appearing in your toilet as you shit. There are motherfuckers whose middle name's Jerk after all the times they were called that. Some girls also call me Big Peen, but that's besides the point.

You'll hate me. If you want to stress yourself out by hearing my tales, then go ahead, but I did warn you. Seriously, my morals are fucked. Leave if you must. Leave. You know what? Just leave. Bitch.