Snow Globes

As Naomi trudged slowly down the street, shoulders drooping and hands in pockets, she couldn't help but feel deflated. The evening sky was grey to match her mood and the streets were bustling with people seemingly eager to camouflage her in the crowd as they pushed past. For the first time in a long time, she had tied her blonde hair up in a messy bun and left her apartment without wearing any makeup. This was the easiest way for Naomi to feel vulnerable - and she had to strip herself of all her walls before she could do what she was about to.

Naomi kept her eyes on the ground, but it wasn't like she needed to look up. She knew the route perfectly. She knew this town perfectly. And although she'd complained many times before about how 'small' and 'dingy' it was, Naomi knew she wouldn't trade her home for all the money in the world.

The frays of her oldest ripped jeans started to pick up in the wind, bringing a familiar cool air onto her knees. It felt strange to be wearing something that fully covered her legs when she'd only worn miniskirts and skimpy dresses for what felt like a lifetime. 

But it was only to fit the part.

Who was the real Naomi? It felt like she'd lost herself somewhere between drinking to forget her problems and sleeping with as many guys as possible. Naomi had always been guarded. She knew that. She knew she'd always secretly been self-conscious and maybe just a little messed up. But what was really sick was the fact that when high school hit, she'd forgotten where to draw the line. She'd forgotten where the definition between tipsy and plastered was. She'd forgotten where the margin between friend and enemy was. Naomi's mind, it seemed, had even misplaced its common sense a lot of the time.

Looking back on it now, Naomi desperately wished it hadn't come to this. It had taken pushing her best friend away for good to get her to sober up and face reality. No matter what she told herself, there was no excuse for what she did to Kristina. The truth was, she felt threatened by her. But then again, Naomi felt threatened by everyone.

When Kristina had met Braden, it was like Naomi's whole world came crashing down. She'd had problems at home that she wanted to share with her best friend, but suddenly Kristina had hardly any time for her. She and Braden had the perfect relationship and it made Naomi wonder what she was doing wrong. So instead of voicing her worries to her friend, she'd barricaded herself in under a lock and key and become the person she was today. At first, it was sly remarks here and there and small parties with one cup of diluted alcohol. But when the lines between right and wrong started to blur into each other, Naomi saw no trouble in being a complete bitch all the time and passing out from alcohol consumption at least thrice a week.

After high school, it was better for a short spell. Kristina and Naomi moved in together and Braden was gone. But the booze was too hard to stay away from, and Naomi found herself becoming a little too much like her useless mother. And after Naomi finally gave away her virginity to a boy that deemed her only a one night stand, she figured that was all she would ever be good for.

But she was selfish. No matter how many times she pushed Kristina away or dissed everything her friend loved or ditched her at another bar, Naomi couldn't give her up. Naomi didn't want to share the best friend who had stuck it out with her despite the fact she was so closed off to the world. 

She really should have thought of that before she decided to sleep with Kristina's ex.