The Moments We Didn't See

---The night after the ceremony for the All-Maudra in the Crystal Desert ---

Brea, Kylan, Gurjin, Naia, Hup, Deet, and Rian had spent the night singing the All-Maudra's spirit back to Thra. The event had been a pinnacle of emotion for nearly all of the gelfling, finally having moments to process the deep losses they had taken since the skeksis showed their true nature. Sleeping on the ground wasn't something that most of the group was used to, with the exception of Deet, but after the emotional and physical exhaustion of the past few weeks many of the gelfling found themselves fast asleep around the fireside in no time.

But not Rian.

Rian laid down on his back and looked at the sky for some time. In just a matter of a few weeks his life had completely changed. He'd been born in the castle, grew up in the castle serving the skeksis lords, a castle guard working under his father. During his time at the castle he grew up surrounded with friends, including Gurjin – his very best friend. He'd had his first love, Mira.

Then it was all taken away from him. He felt as if he had lived one-hundred lives since he watched Mira be drained. He missed her, of course he did, but he felt his mind growing fuzzier and fuzzier every day as his quest continued. He felt so guilty. Everything he was doing was of course to save the gelfling from the horrible fate the skeksis had chosen for them, but it was also for Mira.

Then why did he feel guilty?

Because he was happy. He wasn't alone. He had found a new family in the gelfling that laid sleeping around him. They shared a mission, but also they had trusted each other with no basis, they'd met the call to action with no hesitation. He was so confused because the pain and grief he carried from the loss of his father and Mira came alongside the deep affection he felt for the others.

And then there was Deet.

Rian had felt a connection with her almost immediately when they met in the woods. Deet offering her kindness to assist him in starting his fire. The energy he got from her, it was unique to anything he'd encountered before, especially in such a brief encounter.

When he'd came to the aid of the group imprisoned in the wheel of the skeksis' carriage in Har'ar, he felt lighter than air when he realized Deet was in the group. The strange feeling of connection and admiration only grew as the two embraced and started off on the next part of the journey. Rian only felt these emotions build, and it made him feel so dirty. How could have forgotten about his feelings for Mira so quickly? How would she have felt knowing that Rian had already found space in his heart for another. Would she be angry?

Rian tried to shake the toxic thoughts from his head. He knew Mira was nothing but a kind and empathetic gelfling. He knew she would understand. She would want him to try to find some solace and happiness in this time. After all, Mira had told him that she always saw him as more of a friend anyways, especially because her parents simply wouldn't allow her to marry a non-Vapran gelfling.

Rian slowed his breathing, allowing air to escape his nose in a loud sigh.

He was going to be okay. It was okay for him to feel confused. It was okay for him to carry all of these emotions at once. He had survived so much and come so far, with Deet and Brea by his side.

Rian turned over and glanced through the small flickering flames of the fire. He could see Deet's white hair, full of braids, cascading over her face. The small Grottan gelfling slept so peacefully, her chest moving gracefully as she slumbered. Rian felt warm inside, she was safe. They were safe. He wished he could move the hair from her face, and make sure she wasn't too hot or too cold.

But he knew that was an overstep.

What would Deet think of him? Would she find him disgusting for carrying all of these feelings at once? Would she had even liked him under different circumstances?