Rude Awakening (Fitting Compensation)

Steve jolts up in bed at the sound of the alarm.

"Cap? We have a problem." Tony says thought the intercom.

Tiredly Steve rubs his face and pushes aside the covers. "What's the situation?" he says, his voice thick with sleep. He scoots over to the side of the bed.

"There's a criminal in the kitchen, Cap"

Steve frowns in confusion. 'What-?'

"What's a criminal doing in the kitchen?" he asks. Steve stretches his arms behind his head.

"Cooking, Steve. What else would you do in the kitchen" Tony exclaims.

Steve falls back onto the bed with a groan. "Not funny, Stark" he scolds. He grabs the pillow and pulls it too his chest, his body curling around it.

He was too tired for any of Tony's practical jokes. The man wasn't as funny as he thought he was half the time.

"Not joking, Cappuccino." Tony says.

Steve frowns. 'What does Tony mean he's not joking'

It his him then.

His date. Last night he had taken a particular man to bed with him.

Batroc the Leaper.

Steve bolts out of bed, not stopping to get dressed. He runs full speed to the kitchen, powering down the halls.

The sex last night was fantastic. And he would really like to have sex again with the mercenary, but he may not get a chance if Tony kills the man. He's not practically into necrophilia, at all.

Steve skids to a stop at the doorway to the kitchen.

Batroc his cooking breakfast at the stove, humming softly, looking unbothered by everything going on. Tony stands a few feet behind him, his Iron Man gauntlets raised and ready.

"Stand down, Tony! I can vouch for Batroc" Steve says horridly. The kitchen tiles are cold on his bare feet.

"WHAT?! YOU LET A CRIMINAL INTO MY TOWER?!!!" Tony Shouts, his face red.

Steve sputters awkwardly for an excuses that won't give too much away, but he comes up short.

"Ah, Bonjour, ma colombe" Batroc says, calm and pleasant. "Je prépare le petit déjeuner"

Steve feels his face heat.

Tony's face shifts from outraged to gleefully curious. A slow smile pulls at the man's lips. "Oh, I see" Tony says, lowering his gauntlets. Apparently Tony must speak French, or at least enough to understand Batroc then.

"Nothing to see, Stark" Steve says shortly, crossing his arms.

"Captain America likes bad boys" Tony crows with laughter.

"I do not" he says. Which, he knows is not he strongest of arguments. But as embarrassed as he was, he couldn't come forth with much better.

"You do, very much so." Batroc says. Steve gives him what he hopes is his dirtiest look. "I can attest to that" Batroc flashes him a charming smile.

Steve looks away with a huff. If Batroc thinks Steve was going to sleep with him again after this, he has another thing coming.

A strong arm wraps around his waist from behind. Steve frowns.

Batroc tucks himself against his back. "Ma poupée" he whispers into the skin of his shoulder. "Prenons le petit déjeuner dans votre chambre, pour une petite collation sale entre les drap"

Steve can't help the moan the slips from his lips at the words. Maybe, just maybe, he might reconsider the thought of not having sex with Batroc ever again. That was obviously a terrible idea, made during emotional duress. Yes, sex with Batroc sounds pretty damn good right now.

"Ew" Tony says, sounding put off.

"Après Vous" Steve says, smiling.

"Get out of my kitchen" Tony says, glaring at them.

"Gladly" Steve says.

Tony's scrunches up with disgust. "Ew" the man repeats.

Quickly Batroc and himself gather up the food and leave the kitchen for his room.

___________________________________________________________

THE END

Translations:
"Bonjour, ma colombe" - Good morning, my dove
"Je prépare le petit déjeuner" - I'm preparing breakfast
"Ma poupée" - My Doll
"Prenons le petit déjeuner dans votre chambre, pour une petite collation sale entre les drap" - Let's take breakfast back to your room, for a dirty, little snack between the sheets.
"Après Vous" - After You

For the MCU RarePairs Bingo prompt "Crack Fic" [C2] - Card 2