Loving the Reaper (Jax Teller)

Welcome Back

"Jax, stop," the words erupt from my mouth. He stares at me with those tortured blue eyes, he's holding back tears. The arms that were reached out towards me fall to his sides.

    "Ry, what do you want from me?" He sighs, I can't think of a time where I've seen him like this. The shoulder strap digs into my skin. He thinks he needs me to stay, but he doesn't he's strong enough to live without me.

    "Jax, I'm leaving. I can't sit here on the sidelines and watch you tear yourself apart. You deserve more than what Charming is going to give you. You could have a normal life Jax, with me. Come with me please, ride off into the sunset with me, let's make a happy ending," I hold my hand out hoping to whatever God was watching to let him come with me.

    "This isn't a fairytale Ry. That president patch and SAMCRO earning an honest living is my happy ending," he looks down, he knows he can't come with me, and he's coming to terms with losing me, I can feel it. The tears I've been holding back spill over and fall onto my cheeks, he takes a step closer and wipes my tears away.

    "You do what you need to do, but I can't leave the club," our lips press against each other, I feel tears fall from his cheeks onto mine. He lets go of my arms and tips back once again.

    "I love you. Ry, I've loved you since I was a kid. But you know how deep I am, please stay here, with me we can-"

    "We can what? Get married? Have me be your Old Lady? Look over my shoulders constantly for the safety of our future kids? That isn't a life, that's not a life I want Jax. I can't. I've loved you for as long as I can remember, but I refuse to become Gemma," I turn and start walking to my car. Wiping the tears from my eyes I drive out of the Teller Morrow lot, I glance back to where Jax is standing, his hands shoved into his pockets, he looks broken. Turning out of the lot I drive north out of Charming, not looking back.

***

Two years later.

    The familiar roads of Charming bring back memories I haven't thought of in a while. Some make me smile, and some are more bitter than sweet. It takes me a while to decide where I should go first, I settle on the idea of going to a motel. I pay for the room and start unpacking the few clothes I brought with me. Sitting on the bed I can't help but remember the last time I saw him, a pain shoots through my heart at the thought of those tearful blue eyes, like the ocean was spilling out. I take a deep breath and call TM.

    "Teller Morrow Auto Shop, what can I do for you?" Gemma's voice brings back the last time I saw her.

    "You can be more than an Old Lady Ry! You can be free! Do you want to be stuck here, tied to the club? Tied to the violence and the lies?" Gemma yells across her kitchen. She's the closest thing I have to a mother and she's telling me to leave. To finally go to college and 'make something' of myself.

    "You are always saying how much you love me, Gemma, 'Oh everything is gonna be alright sweetheart,' 'I can't wait for you to give me grandbabies,' what do you want me to do Gemma? Leave Jax? Throw away everything I have here? I love-"

    "I know you love him Ry, and I know that he loves you more than anything, but the club has him so deep that he'll never be able to let go. You have a chance. You have an exit. You can-"

    "Break his heart. Leave him with nothing but 'I can't do this.' I can't hurt him, Gemma."

    "But you have to. It's what's best for both of you. I packed you enough money to buy you a plane ticket and to get you a place. You can leave tomorrow, long enough to say goodbye."