DEFINE LOVE [ jinbyul ]

her

this is more of a slice of life, romance and well.. i can't promise pure fluff, but there are giddy moments. but all in all, i decided to separate this one-shot because i believe that it's not suitable to be posted in drabbles because of some reasons, heh.

PS: don't worry. this is not an angst, i can assure you hehe love chu~

xxx

what should i really feel about love, and what is it?

i've always thought that falling in love was more of a quirky feeling in the pit of my stomach, even wondered how it will be to spend your saturday day-offs in your lover's flat, eating a whole tub of strawberry-flavored ice cream while in his shirt...

or maybe enjoying each other's slippery skin while in the bathtub, blowing bubbles and giggling while wiping each other's soap.

butterflies, pink lights with fireflies swarming around while you kiss while he caresses your cheek.

well i was wrong. 

all of my previous love ideas remained like that.

maybe that's why i was left behind at first. i was too desperate, searching for affection that i gave up for the whole years of my career searching for one.

i never thought that love just lingers around the corner, that i had forgotten to restrain myself from feeling all of my idealistic romance inside my head when he came in the picture. 

i saw most of my members let their love lives push through each two years, or three, them leaving the flat for a fancy date or a club with their partners while i hover around the empty pages of my diaries, thinking it's stupid for me to try once again when i can't even embrace my own insecurities.

they've been pushing me for it, but all i could do was howl, conceal my insecurity with a gentle laugh, telling them that it's not worth it to even try when we're busy with our rise. 

but i knew that i somehow needed all of it too when it is the reason why i was busy rebuilding myself once again after expecting too much from the love i thought i deserved.

no matter how many times i tell myself that they won't define me, that i can go on alone... maybe deep inside our independent selves, we would still long for the feel of someone letting you lean into them while you lean on them.

but somehow that's the most stupid thing that i have been feeling, and maybe i'll never accept it with the way my pride goes up. 

all over that loneliness, i became one of the same-line aged friends that may be into bars and escapes, since it's how all of us do. 

sandeul is the funny guy, he keeps on making the group laugh with how light he was with everyone. baro, has that maturity that makes us calm down whenever we're too chaotic... heeyeon, my only female friend in the group. she's the one that i could talk to whenever i'm in trouble with these female things, even if times would come that i hate to worry about those things. ken, always the nicest and gentleman out there, he'd always do everything to protect us from any problems happening in or outside of the group. 

then kim seokjin.

i know that a sentence or two wouldn't be enough. 

well at first it was, until i get to know him.

he was silent at first, drawing an unbelievably thick line in between us as if he's guarding himself within' me. he never smiles that big when it comes to a newbie in the group where he, ken and sandeul belongs.