Regrettably, No Goodbyes

Chapter 1

POV: Y/N (Written in 1st Person)

Puberty had definitely been cruel to me. I was a 10 year old walking around with a D cup but no one could really tell if they were breast or part of my lumpy gut. My hair was long and had potential to be exotic corkscrew curls but no, instead they were frizzy and matted tendrils. I was 'round' to say the least. I did ok in my hometown but once I became the new girl in another country where there was not one person who looked like me, this new life became my hell with no one to save me. That was until I met you, Tae Hyung, my light and knight in shining armor. You were like a breath of fresh air, light in the dark night, my cool breeze in an enforno of middle school, an old kind soul. I often wondered if you truly were an angel in disguise, and often thought what I did to deserve someone like you in my life. I was utterly undeserving of all that you were, but I was thankful I had you even if it was for a moment in time. I could still see your beautiful boxy smile, each time you helped me through my clumsy escapades, the warmth of your hand each time you helped me up through my falls, the flicker of anger any time any one said unkind words to me. I loved that most, even though the words were brutal from our classmates, the bullying was always worth it to me. It's when I was bullied that I got to witness the barely controlled rage you displayed as you would speak up to defend me each time.

Your aftercare was always divine as if I had died and ascended to heaven, a heaven where it was only you and I. You would gaze into my eyes with your beautiful deep hazelnut colored orbs with flecks of honey, providing me with some type of sweet verbal encouragement. The icing on the cake, always a tight hug that made me melt like butter. And on the days I was extremely lucky you would hold my hand afterwards and walk me to a private hideaway. This public display of affection only unleashed a wave of bullying from jealous girls who could not stand the chubby foriegn girl who had won the unconditional affectionate friendship of Kim Tae Hyung, the hottest, smartest, kindest boy in school.

Middle school was still brutal but I did develop more of a shape. Now was the time people could differentiate between my stomach and my breast. But I certainly did not fit the acceptable mold or body shape of my female peers. I still stuck out like a sore thumb, long wild curly tendrils (less frizz), large fuller round D cup breast, wide hips, tan skin and honey colored hazel eyes that turned green anytime I was angry or excited. I often worried it would give me away when I was with Tae Hyung. He was always so perceptive and observant. He once had told me, "I love your eyes so much, they are like a mood ring, I can tell what you're feeling and I love it, it makes me feel like I have a super power". I blush even now remembering how intently he gazed in my eyes when he spoke, truthfully he was my superhero. But it seemed like he never caught on to my feelings for him which I always felt was for the best, I knew I was not good enough for Tae Hyung, no match to his beauty and kind hearted nature and I could never dream of losing him as a friend if things ever became awkward between us. So it was not worth the risk and if he ever did know how I felt about him he never led on or confronted me.

We were about to start high school together but my father had finally noticed the toll bullying had taken on me. He saw how unhappy I was and planted the seed that maybe I'd like to study the last four years of school in California where Grandparents, aunts and uncles lived. I was surprised when he suggested it and had mixed feelings about it. I knew I would miss my father and my brother and I knew I would miss Tae Hyung deeply. I think my 14 year self was more focused on how much I would miss Tae Hyung. How much I knew our friendship would grow apart. Lastly, I hated goodbyes and avoided them at all cost. Losing my mother at 7 and having to tell her goodbye was devastating. I let my father know I wanted to go, agreeing to spend summers here in Korea. I committed myself to not telling Tae Hyung that I was leaving. Next to my mother's death, saying 'see you later' to my father, brother and tae hyung was the next hardest thing in my life to do. It was less painful for my father and brother because I knew I'd see them again and nothing could ever change our love, we were family. But I knew and expected a lot would change between Tae Hyung and I. My father had told me to 'hope for the best in life and try to plan for the worst' . I started to prepare myself in advance for the change in Tae Hyung and I's relationship knowing that for me loyalty, love and family were the core of who I was, so I knew nothing would change how I felt towards him.