Stories about Sisters: and other things

"Echo and Luke"- What did it all mean?

Echo is the most obvious of my characters.

She was written based on me because narcissism is cool.(No, it's not and No, I'm not a narcissist). Like Echo (or Echo like me) I suffer from a series of Mental Health issues, the most prominent being social anxiety and  BP depression. There was a time when these were pretty much crippling in that they interfered with my ability to do... anything. Simple things like leaving the house, or speaking when spoken to, were almost impossible. Sometimes, even as an adult I still deal with this but it was the most severe as a child. It did get better when I went to college but it was still problematic because I was also painfully shy.

Did I prefer to be alone? Yes. Even now, I am still very antisocial but I've learned to cope and am very high functioning. THIS is different for everyone and I encourage people to live their lives as is best for them.

Did I dress like Echo did? Worse. From age 15 to roughly 22, ALL of my wardrobe was from my older brother's closet. I did not own a single garment that was made for women. (Except maybe the sports bras). This wasn't because I didn't like women's clothing but because I didn't have the confidence to try wearing it. My anxiety made dressing in women's clothes difficult. 1) Over-sized men's clothes made it possible to hide my body, which I was very insecure of, and 2) I just didn't know how to coordinate and wear women's clothes. It was stressful and only agitated my paranoia.

It wasn't until after college that this changed and I met my (non criminal) Luke.

Like a lot of college graduates who didn't properly plan out life after college, I was at a standstill. I was living back home with my mother, I had a liberal arts degree with no job prospects, and I wasn't sure what to do next. My mother suggested (I think bc she didn't want me to get depressed) that I should go spend a few months in our hometown in Mexico. (We live in the US now).  So I did. I made plans to spend six months with family just enjoying home.

It was really a lot more simple in my head than in real life. When I got there, my cousins (who are wonderful, loving people) all expressed confusion at my clothes and demeanor. Mexican culture is very machista. There is a clear delineation between gender roles and women are taught that their appearance is one of their most important attributes. Society revolves around that idea. I was constantly being told that dressing that way would have people gossiping about me or would confuse people about me. (Basically, they would think I was a lesbian). It was true. The amount of gossip and rumors and the way it actually interfered with my daily interactions with people was appalling. After about a month of just hanging out doing nothing, I also decided that I really wanted a job. I mentioned it to my grandmother who told me I would need to take pictures to give out with my resume. In Mexico, it is common to be asked for a photo, it is common that a job posting will be specific to someone who is good looking or has good self presentation, and it is not illegal not to hire someone based on their looks. Of course, the clothes I owned would be inappropriate for a job anyway- I hadn't bought new clothes in like 8 years and some of it was stuff brother tossed out in 1999.

Armed with this knowledge, I went and bought the first pair of fitted pants since before I was in high school. My grandmother gifted me an eyeliner, a cheap mascara and a lipstick. She was kind enough to show me how to apply it before sending me on my way. I also bought a brush- I hadn't owned one all through college. Seriously. (I used to used one of those butterfly clips to sort of smooth my hair back... until it broke.)

I met "Luke" at a bar. I was with a cousin, wearing my typical cargo pants and a men's shirt that was much too big for me. We didn't hit it off  but (and I don't remember how) he ended up on my MSN messenger(yes, I'm old) and one day we randomly started arguing over nonsense online. The argument turned into an interesting discussion and we made plans to meet up after work for a drink.