“Do you think everything would have been the same if I hadn't done that?” I asked out of the blue. We simply gaze up at the night sky, gazing at billions of stars.
“Are you still blaming yourself? What did I tell you? Don't blame yourself for things you have no control over," he added as he ruffled his hair in response to a sudden gust of frigid air. "I love you. I always do. But it seems like this is my fate.”
My heart skips a beat.
Why am I hurting? I thought I'd never feel this way again.
"Thank you for caring for me. Even in a brief amount of time, you show me the love I've been searching for," he remarked.
"Do I look happy?" I said quietly. I averted my gaze to escape his.
I don't want to talk any longer, "What do you mean?" He asked.
I'm afraid I'm going to spill something that shouldn't be spilled.
But the next thing he said made me astounded.
"Forget me."
My eyes welled up as a tear ran down my cheek.
How could I possibly forget the person who saved my life?
Who rescued me from certain death?
"No!" I exclaimed. Even though it's been two years, I remember every detail. Years have passed, but it feels like it was only yesterday when it happened.
“Let me rest. Let my soul be at peace,” he pleaded.
"I-I c-can't..."
"Stop," he mumbled. “My life sucks, so I think I deserve it.
I'm a lost soul who couldn't find his way home anyway.”
"Y-you.. Why did you do that? I don't deserve this title. You.. should be the one in my position. Why?" I uttered.
"It was my decision, and I respect you choosing him over me," he said, as a smile plastered on his lips.
"At the very least, you could've rescued yourself!" I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.
I was taken aback when he grabbed my face and wiped my tears away. "Look at me," he says, cupping my cheek. “If I did that, you'd be murdered, and I'd never be able to forgive myself.”
"Ha! Do you think I won't feel it too? How could you?" I quickly pulled his hands away from me.
Oh my God, why am I still in pain?
"If I had just listened to you, we wouldn't have been ambushed," I said.
I remember that time. We had a mission. We must apprehend the black market leader who is responsible for illegal transactions in the Philippines.
But I was deceived.
I was fooled by the last man I suspected, the person I thought would never deceive me.
“Why. . . Why didn't you inform me that my father was being investigated?” I said between my sobs.
“Because you're not going to believe me,” tears flowed uncontrollably on my face.
“I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I could see how much you cared about your father. Who would believe a person who doesn't even have a parent, an orphan? "
“But you should've at least told me about it!” I shouted.
“I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be upset, since I knew how hard it was for you when your mother died, and I couldn't stand seeing you suffer like that again, so I planned to capture him with my squad secretly, but you spotted us aiming for him."
I was so devastated at that time. My mother was killed by a gun that was discharged accidentally. We don't know who the perpetrator is yet, but my father has deceived me.
My father deceived me by telling lies.
My father convinced me that my boyfriend was the owner of the gun that killed my mother. I had no idea what I was doing at the time. My thoughts were too preoccupied. I became enraged and instantly leveled a gun at him.
Until my father's companion appeared out of nowhere and ambushed us.
But the person I had threatened to kill, the one I had just pointed a gun at, the one I still loved, saved my life.
He shielded me from the gunfire with his own body.
I witnessed his death right in front of my eyes.
He put his lives at risk to save me.
“Oh, and I completely forgot to congratulate you! Isn't it the top rank?” he cheerfuly said, changing the subject, teasingly.
"Last night, my father was caught. . ." silence filled the place.
"He'd been given a death sentence."
"W-what?" he mumbled, confused. "Fuck, are you okay?” Even up to this time, he still worried about me.
"Yes, I've been much better since I did that." I sorrowful smile showed on my lips.
He shifted his attention from me when we suddenly heard the sound of an ambulance not far from where we were sitting.
I knew it was wrong, but there was nothing I could do about it. It has already happened. I couldn't bring it back.
“Aren't you wondering?”
"W-what is it?." I can feel the distress in his voice.
I mumbled, "How could a person talk to a dead person?" I reached out with my hands to the bright stars above the night sky.
“I think I'm a lost soul too?”
