Another Fight ?
It's typical for any human being to have certain emotions locked inside their chest for a long time, specially when it is not that easy letting them out ....
Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by great people in their life to prevent them from falling into this big dark hole called : Depression !
DEPRESSION !
Depression is not a disease ! it's a MONSTER ! it's a dark magnetic energy that keeps pulling you towards it until it takes over your whole body and mind, you wont stop thinking about all the bad things that might happen in your life if you close your eyes even for a second, it keeps drowning you in this terrifying ocean of FEAR, fear of loss , fear of being broken , fear of anything that will break your heart into pieces that may never ever be united .
FEAR !
Fear is an inner demon, low-key planting dark ideas in your brain of ' What If's ' and it keeps growing slowly until it controls your entire existence, Fear of Yesterday, fear of Today and fear of Tomorrow, fear of losing everybody you love, fear of losing every thing that brings happiness to your soul even for a tiny bit, fear of being empty for the rest of your life , fear of everybody else trying to own what you have and wanting what you own! Fear of your own self! your own inner demon! Fear of how wrong can you go .
HOW!
How bad this life can be ? How terrible events can go ? How ugly my choices can get ?
Is this ever going to be better, is anybody going to fix this ? or I'll do it all alone ? But what's the point of having a partner, family or friends if we will struggle alone ,, suffer alone, drown alone with no help, no patience , no hands ... helpless , filled with fear, chest stuffed with unspoken words , and unexpressed feeling ...
UNSPOKEN!
Unspoken words can burn harder than fire , unexpressed feelings are terribly heavy that they can burry you deep down ,,, ALIVE! .
It is never easy walking around with a heavy chest , wearing on a pretty fake smile , doing life as good as possible without spitting out one letter of whatever is hidden within ...
Chest full of secrets and pain that kills you inside slowly ...
SECRETS!
Secrets can be destructive , it creates Doubt , and once doubt and fear unite they create even a bigger hole , a giant hole between people, it breaks relationships and even can take lives! .
Doubt can take over your brain and can direct a whole entire film filled with hatred and envy and pain , a film that may or may not exist ... but what's worse is : you'll be stuck in a sea of questions for good !
QUESTIONS!
What Tomorrow hides ? relief ? pain ? happiness ? or more choices ?
Definitely more choices ... But what about choices , is it going to be easy making them ? or it's going to go totally wrong ,, like it always did ...?
Why options are always hard ? it can never be as simple as we wished for ... whatever the option is , you'll have to lose something , something precious that will change your life and might follow you for the rest of your life ....
CHOICES!
It can never be a choice unless it is HARD TO TAKE ! but it can only get worse if
you did not take it ... Why is it so hard to do the right thing regardless on the pain you are going through? Why we always choose to play it safe and be hurt while we can step forward, hurt a little but then be free, for good ! ?
THOUGHTS !
..... that attack me every night , over & over & over ..
YOU ARE READING
Midnight Breakdowns
Random" This is a small piece for my thoughts that I've tried to organize and put together for you " .. 💔
