To Anyone Who'll Listen

Happy-High

So, today was my brother's birthday and yesterday was my birthday. Cool, I know.
But he always joked about how I had ruined his birthday.
And even though he might've been joking being the sensitive person I am🥺 I took it to heart and every year I try to give him the best birthday he can possibly have.
And so this year I barged into his room all excitedly playing the song "17" by Marina (since he was turning 17 this year).
He just laughed and said thanks.
And that was that.
And being the kind sibling I am I spent money to buy him a gift even though I used more than half of my savings even though I didnt have a lot to begin with.
And even though he gave me 4 dollars (which I could tell he felt bad about) I was happy....because he was happy.
And so he got WAY more money than me and although I was a little jealous I was happy for him.
But then everyone went home and he went to his room and I realised I wasn't happy.
I had created this fake happy-high to make myself happy for his birthday but as soon as the curtains closed I felt emotionless yet sad at the same time.
Does that make sense?
But of course I could see my mom thought I was acting like this because I was jealous of his presents.
Which made me mad which is why I went on this rant.
And to top it all off, yesterday was my birthday and so I decided to finally tell my mom I was bisexual only to realise it made me even more depressed (even though she accepted me) and I found out FROM MY THERAPIST that my mom thought it was a faze😔😡 like no mom, I'm literally in love with my best friend WHO IS A GIRL so NO dont tell MY THERAPIST it's a faze.
At least say it to my face...