As you may know my name is Bryn my life has been difficult for the 17 years I have been on this strange and hateful planet. I'm writing this book as a way to get things off my chest because all I do is bottle things up(yes I know its not health but I stopped caring along time ago). Lately I've been dealing with things like depression and heart break. I've been nonstop crying every night and feeling like giving up for months and its not going away anytime soon, sooo why not write about my days feeling so alone.
First things first I need to explain some thing because its the end of October and some how so much shit has happened at once. As I mentioned earlier I've been dealing with a broken heart(now I know that sounds stupid but this person meant a lot to me and whoosh they're basically gone. also we broke up back in August), this person said I could go to them whenever and they haven't moved on all the way but I deep down know that's a lie and they just want to make me feel some what better. I always prepare myself for when someone decides they want to leave and I thought I would be okay if they were gone, but Im not.... Ive been trying to put my body and feelings in shock so I can go about my day and act unfazed(this clearly isn't working). Its really hard because they were my comfort my safe place in away. I know Im difficult to love because I don't deal with feelings and have a hard time opening up, and they may not know it but I talked a lot about my feelings to them and told them my biggest secrets even if it doesn't seem that way it's true. Since they left I haven't really talked about how Im feeling and just keep it to myself, hell I don't even talk about how my heart is shattered from it. My heart hurts from it and just thinking about the little things.
I wish people would just say "I don't like you anymore and I never loved you so please stop thinking I do" just to help me get over it easier, sadly that's not how things work and Im to chicken shit to say or ask how do you feel. Saying things that might give someone hope even if you didn't mean it to just be completely honest its just hurting me more. Some people will say "come to me if you need anything" or "you know you can talk to me" but the minute I try to explain or say how I am its like I can tell Im bugging them no matter how many times they say you're not I know I am and just stop. I stop because I don't want to bug them anymore and maybe scare them away cause no one wants to stick around when it comes to me.
This chapter was really short but its a start and I feel a tad bit better. Thanks for reading my rant I needed it, now time to go cry:)
YOU ARE READING
I Want To Feel Better
Short StoryI'm not writing this book to intertain others but to make myself feel better. I struggle with speaking out to others about my problems and how I feel inside, so why not write it.
