Five Rules of the Dead Straight From a Spirit

Flickering lights are fascinating.

What's causing it? Is there a trip up in the wiring? Is a light bulb nearly ready to die out? Is there a powerfully, terrifying storm just beyond the roof and walls that the light bulb is in?

Or, perhaps it is the least expected and most joked about option: Some poor shmuck stuck in the in-between. 

The flickering streetlamp down 36th avenue was one such example of a ghost lost with nothing to do. 

The ghost in question, the murdered wife of a French aristocrat in the 18th century, had existed for far too long for any being's proper sanity. NOT that she was insane-- not at all--  but, with no one to talk to, her ghostly mind had gone to other places... 

Just what could a ghost really do? 

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As, she's been so kind as to haunt my computer after getting tired of the lamp, I've convinced her to share some of her wisdom.

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Now, we've all read the stories where people just run into ghosts. You know, like in Harry Potter? That is not at all true! 

Rule Number 1: ghosts and the breathing, living, heart-beating existors, CANNOT interact!

For, how on Earth could the dead and the living ever converge in such a way? That is just as impossible as receiving FM radio waves through an AM radio! Not at all possible simply because one is following the path of existence, and one is following the path of- well- not quite death, but certainly not life, either. 

Perhaps there won't ever be a nice little label for the poor, drifting spirits, left to ourselves for, likely, all of eternity. 

Though, we do get to mess with the living. After all, non-living things are not an any sort of path at all, unlike the ghosts and the living. 

RULE NUMBER 2: Ghosts and objects get along quite well. Hence me having flickered the lightbulb down 36th Street for quite some time. 

Though, the larger the object, the harder it is to interact with it, posses it.

How often have you come across an entire ship haunted and possessed by a singular ghost? Not often, perhaps even never. 

Personally, I enjoy hiding humans' keyes when they are quite late. 

Now, Rule Number 3, is rather self-explanatory. Ghosts love to work together. While we do appear rather similar to those silvery, transparent beings humans love to use to represent us in their media, when we stumble into contact with each other, into the perfect angle to capture each others' existence a good tease of the living always lifts my spirits... 

wink, wink.

Rule Number 4 is just so hard to lead in to. I don't think I've ever heard a singular ghost story that has ever gotten this quite right! 

Whatever blunderbuss decided that ghosts are stuck with a spirit that looks like their living body was, just, 

UGH!

the biggest blaireau to have ever existence. 

What narcissistic fool decided that anything from life would be passed on to our new path? Our new journey of death? And, really? Looks? Out of anything? 

I can look however I want, thank-you-very-much! I very much enjoy taking on the form of a large, venemous snake when wandering through places I know are particularly haunted by large groups. 

It's the best fun? Right up there with starting up the old pinball machine at closing time when that nervous, pimply boy is working the arcade! 

And, Rule Number 5 is the simplest of them all. We are not made to be hung up on our living selves. I, personally, experienced a bit of a detachment from my physical existence as a living being quite quickly. It's like listening to a song or having heard a rather detailed story a looong time ago. Prevalent, but not worthy of my very sporadic and dead attention. 

Those idiotic stories about dead people wanting to make it back to the land of the living are absolutely unrealistic! Why would I ever want to go back to any form of existence where I cannot walk through walls?

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I hope all the living fools thinking of writing a story about our spiritual experiences after death think twice before miswriting everything.

Good day. 

A/N Happy Halloween to all my reading peeps! Did anybody dress up? I dressed up as Jack Frost for my friends' social distanced party. Though, my hair looked more gray than white.