~Love Me~

~1~

(STW: Small Trigger Warning)---------- (Parent's fighting/mention of blood and violence)-------

My eyes are wide open, but I see nothing but the dark void. I've been walking blindly for a long time, not knowing where I was going, but then after a while, I walked into a familiar room. I looked around and saw picture frames, but the faces were all blurred out. Even though they were blurred out, I already know who is in the picture. It was a somewhat small room, with a single plant in a corner, as there was a dark leather couch in front of a window. The wallpaper was light blue, the carpet was white, while the coffee table was brown and in the middle of the room. I then blinked my eyes, and magically I was in my old bedroom. A small bed for a child, with a floral print blanket and pillowcase. While the room was full of pretty decorations, such as butterfly stickers on the wall, fake flowers around the mirror, the curtain was white with frills on the end of it. While there was a built shelf on the wall and had teddy bears and fairytale books. A drawer near the window that was white, but was decorated, with fairies, butterfly and flower stickers. I blinked again, and I was outside my parent's old bedroom, with the door a bit open. Knowing what is going on, I still spied on them. I watch two people who gave birth to me, fight. One hard-working father, who has no time for his family. And one mother who cannot give birth to another child. So she does her best to pamper me, and turn me into something she can't have. Which is a daughter.

I saw them argue, but I don't hear their voices, most of their yelling is muffled. So all I see is their angry expressions, their mouth moving, and their body movement. I then saw the women who gave birth to me, push the man she once loved, and the man pushing her back. Which then led to a big fight, only for him to grab her arm while yelling at her, only for her to kick him. I then blinked again, and I saw my mom bleeding from the head, while my father bleeding from the stomach, and seeing my younger self frightened that has blood on their clothes, not knowing if it's from me, or from them. There were broken glass and a book with blood on the ground. Despite everything that was going on all their faces were blurred this whole time and still without seeing their faces, I already knew who they were. Still to this day was always that night was always a mystery to me. Everything was going perfectly fine, but from a blink of an eye, things rapidly fell apart. Was it because I was a child they were hiding things from me? What was going on, when I wasn't around? Was I the cause of it? If I wasn't, what was the actual cause? Was there a way to prevent it? Can everything be fixed? What happened that night? I asked myself, as I watched three people fall apart.

Looking at the back of my younger self who was sitting alone, in the void. There was a sudden loud noise, which scared me awake. My eyes then shot open, as I took a deep breath in which I then let out. I rubbed my eyes due to the light that was peeking through my windows which was making my eyes strain, causing me to have a small headache. Still feeling sleepy and having a headache in the morning, wasn't doing me justice, because all I want to do is go back to sleep. But I promised Karma I was going to meet up with him today, even though I didn't promise him I still would've gotten up because I can't be late for school. After a few yawns here and there while I was in bed, I gathered a small amount of energy to get myself out of bed. Even though I had a small amount of energy to get myself up, I moved too quickly which caused me to feel even dizzier and feel a bit sick. I then made my way to the bathroom and started to vomit. It wasn't something new to me, feeling sick in the morning, but I just think it was food from the night before. I had to force myself to eat when my mother is near, just so I can please her. Pleasing mother is my number one top priority, making her happy makes living easy for me.

When I was done feeling sick, I got myself ready and dressed. I then grabbed my phone and was planning to message Karma, but my phone didn't charge during the night, for some reason. I then repeatedly plugged in and unplugged my phone, to see it charge and uncharged. I then sighed and threw the charger away, and still took my phone with me. I then left the house, not knowing where to meet Karma, and now I have to buy myself another charger because the last one stopped working after being used constantly.