Not this time

You ran through the woods, baby Judith strapped to you with an improvised baby slinger. You didn't know where you were going, you didn't care, all you knew was that you had to run away.

You were out of breath but you couldn't stop. Baby Judith was crying her lungs out and you tried to shush her without stopping running. She wasn't stopping, though, and so you shoved her pacifier into her mouth and tried to hold it in place with your hand as you run so she couldn't spit it out. It was cruel, but it was better than her cries bringing walkers and Governor's men to you.

The prison had fallen.

You never thought it could happen, but it had. Your home was gone. Your people were gone. Your friends, your family, your love...no, you couldn't let yourself think about them, about him, or you'd break down. You had to focus only on running away from there, from the deadly men and the sea of walkers that had invaded the prison, more and more as they were attracted to the sound.

You kept running and running, panting as your lungs burned, your legs shaking and hurting, but you couldn't stop. Eventually, though, you couldn't keep going and you fell to the ground, holding Judith.

You were covered in sweat, panting hard, exhausted. Judith spat the pacifier and began crying. You wanted to cry too but you couldn't let yourself do it, or else you wouldn't be able to stop.

"Shhh...shh..." You tried to shush the baby, rocking her. Judith must be terrified and you weren't sure you could calm her but finally she stopped, holding to you. She must be desperate to be with her family and the people she loved, but she was stuck with you.

You had never spent too much time taking care of Judith, you loved her but looking at her, especially the first months, had been like a stab to the heart, bringing back memories that were always present anyway, but in a more painful way.

Daryl had loved her so much, he had loved to spend time with her, you couldn't believe it when you saw how good he was taking care of her. It was a mix of feelings, from loving how cute and sweet they looked, to the painful wonder of how Daryl might have been with...no, no, don't think about her now.

Daryl...don't think about him either.

But it was too late, and you chocked a sob, closing your eyes tight so the tears wouldn't escape...you had to stop it, you had to shut it, it hurt too much. If you didn't, you wouldn't be able to keep going and be there for Judith.

But what was the point anymore? Who were you kidding, being stuck with you, Judith was doomed. Just like...no, no, you couldn't think about her, you had to stop the memories. You had to keep Judith safe.

Still, hot, silent tears fell down your eyes. Judith was pouting as she looked around, scared, and you rubbed your eyes before rocking her again, talking softly to her. Maybe she was hungry, but you had nothing for her.

You had to do something, but you didn't know what. You couldn't just stay there.

Once you recovered your breath and your legs stopped shaking, you got up and began walking again, though you didn't know where. You had to find a refugee, but you didn't know how, and you needed supplies, but neither knew where to find them, and doing it alone had always been dangerous. You couldn't survive like that. Still, you kept walking, you had to.

You tried not to think, tried not to let your mind wander, tried to focus only on taking one step after the other, paying full attention to your surroundings and keeping Judith quiet. But you couldn't help yourself.

Images of the prison flooded your mind. The strong, tall fences that protected your home for so long giving up to the tank, which fired to bring down the stone walls. And your family...