leaving tonight ❀

~❀~

Abe had just arrived home from his last college class of the day, and as he placed his bag and keys on the counter he turned to see Mihashi sitting at the couch.

Now it wasn't an abnormal thing for Mihashi to be out here, what was abnormal was he wasn't really watching the television and what was showing wasn't something Abe thought the strawberry blond male would be interested in.

"Uh, Ren?" Abe called out as he slowly approached.

Mihashi looked away from him pointedly. Before starting, "Y-you fooled m-me from the start." He began his voice breaking as tears clouded his vision, not letting Abe see him as he confessed how the words he thought.

"Wh-? What are you talking about?" Abe asked, stepping closer to the couch trying to go over every single thing he'd ever done in his life after meeting Ren.

"W-when you let me start to love you." Mihashi sniffled.

Abe never understood Mihashi's anxious mindset, but that's not to say he never tried.

"Ren, what do you mean? Can you please explain." Abe was getting desperate to understand the reasoning behind his abrupt statement's.

"You don't love me!" He finally blurted, squeezing his eyes shut like he was awaiting some sort of backlash to whack him upside the head.

Abe had no words to say, he was stunned silent at not only Mihashi's tone but also the way he said it like he knew it was fact. Abe was shocked that Mihashi would genuinely think he didn't love him even despite what they'd both been through over the years.

"That's not true!" Abe argued back, cause it was his truth. Mihashi may have thought he didn't love him for some reason but Abe was dead set on making him know the truth.

"Yes it is!" Mihashi shot back, suddenly standing.

Abe reached out and grabbed Mihashi by his sleeve trying to pull him back.

Stay, he silently pleaded.

Abe could understand if Mihashi ended up thrashing and hitting him, we all have our days where we need to just let it out. But that never happened, instead Ren just pulled his arm back and spat a blunt "don't touch me."

In the process of taking his arm back he knocked against the coffee table where there held a picture of the pair at their graduation, and in that sudden movement it fell to the carpeted floor hard enough to hear the ringing of glass shatter and sprinkle the carpet.

Even despite the photos frame being broken by accident, nothing really changed, the photo was still there solid and whole. The only thing that changed was the atmosphere in the room.

It went from humid to flames all too quickly, it left Abe winded.

Ren tried to side step it and walk away from everything. Unlike Abe who would face anything head on and that's what he did, he stepped in front of the blond before he could reach the hallway, and stood there with his arms crossed trying to keep his slowly degrading temper down.

Over the blood that began to pump in his ears whether from frustration or anxiety, maybe a mix of both he could hear Mihashi's breath begin to quicken. He wanted to help him, to reach out and hold him in a hug to calm him down. But the display earlier said enough, that it wouldn't work.

Then like a spider web snapping, Mihashi's knees buckled and he began to sob.

Heaving through the breaks in his breaths he said; "You d-don't love me. Y-you're lying!!"

All Abe could be reminded of was that first month of their first year in highschool, when Abe had taken Mihashi's cold calloused hand into his and told him he was a good pitcher, a good person, and that he was worth it.

That was years ago now, and Abe wasn't sure that tactic would work again all these years later. Not over something like love especially.

"I do love you!" Abe said, voice beginning to raise against his control. Frustration bubbling too quick for him to fester out like a lit match.

All that did was make Mihashi cry harder, and tuck his knees closer to himself.

Abe knew it was a bad idea and knew it wasn't something he logically should've done but his frustration finally got the better of him as he snatched Mihashi by the forearm and pulled him up, belting out "Goddamnit Mihashi, will you listen to me!!"

But beyond Abe's anger all he saw was the way Mihashi's body tensed up and through clenched teeth and sharp breaths he whispered, "I'm leaving tonight."

His grip on his forearm loosened at those three words, as his blood ran cold.

Please don't leave, stay. Abe's silent plea called out.

"What?" Abe pleaded, thinking he hadn't heard it correctly, that maybe this was all really just a fucked up dream.

But Mihashi didn't reply. Pulling at him again Abe begged, "What?! What the hell did you say Mihashi?!"

Mihashi tried to pull away, Abe could feel the way his muscles tensed and shifted underneath his hand, but he wouldn't let go.

He wouldn't just let Mihashi leave, not when they could try to figure this out like they used to with everything.

They figured out the one time when Mihashi didn't like the way the couch was positioned but Abe did, they figured out what color they should paint their shared bedroom, they figured out moving into this house.

So why, why couldn't they figure this out too?

"You don't love me," Mihashi said again voice even. "I'm leaving tonight."

Abe's knees wobbled underneath him similar to the way Mihashi's had, until suddenly he felt the cold hardwood through the knees of his worn blue jeans.

Closing his eyes, he wielded his voice to be as even as it could, trying to match Mihashi.

"Why do you believe I don't love you?"

"Because you called me Mihashi, not Ren, Abe."

Abe hadn't realized it until he'd pointed it out, he'd been reminded so much of their beginning that he'd called him by his family name.

And in all honesty, he didn't have the heart to argue with him about it. 'Cause there was truth to it, maybe he was right, maybe his feelings had faded and he hadn't even noticed.

Taking his arm out from Abe's hand, Mihashi stood up and stepped around Abe's crumpled form.

Abe let him.

Repeating once more, "I'm leaving tonight, I'll be gone in the morning." And he turned down the hall to their once shared bedroom.

As the door shut softly, Abe mustered up the strength to get to his feet and made the impulsive decision to bolt out the door.

As his legs carried him down the sidewalk, his pace made it look like the sidewalk had started walking as it blurred underneath him.

Running wouldn't make the reality of the situation go away, but it made his legs burn and his lungs ache and that was all he needed for now.

Maybe this is how Mihashi's anxiety made him feel? Maybe this is why he wanted to leave, because Abe was always a ticking time bomb? Because the two really just were far too different.

Abe thought to himself, he had believed those old highschool insecurities had left him but here they were back to beat him up in an instant.

Maybe he should've believed those old tv shows growing up, when they would say things like "one person can't fix you, you have to fix you".

He couldn't heal Mihashi's anxiety, and Mihashi couldn't heal his insecurities. And that was the truth of it all.

~❀~