Anesthesia (Ianthony)

Note: This story is set in the past. It is set pre-Kalanthony break up and ends post-Kalanthony break up. Also, this story has major trigger warnings, so be aware. Triggers include suicidal thoughts and attempts, self-harm, some sexual situations, and negative homosexual slang. You’ve been warned. 

Also, I borrowed this style of writing from the absolutely amazing orangefriday (on the Ianthony Livejournal Community) and she borrowed it from someone else, so credit to that person! 

This is a monster. Idk how or why it happened.

Ian isn’t quite sure when this thing between he and Anthony started, but it’s equally as aching as it wonderful. He also isn’t sure why he puts up with it and why Anthony can’t seem to choose between him and whatever girl it is that he’s currently dating (or says that he’s dating).

He knows that what they do is wrong and it’s unfair to him and Kalel and even to Anthony himself, but it’s not like he can just simply stop it. It started so long ago (before Smosh even began) and Ian knows that he couldn’t end it, even if he wanted to. And a small part of him doesn’t want it to end. And he must be some kind of fucked up masochist because each and every time it happens, Ian loses a small piece of himself. And Anthony’s a dick because he knows how much it hurts Ian to see him leave every goddamn morning after (but he doesn’t care).

* 

Like tonight, after they’ve finished filming the newest Smosh video and Ian is getting ready to leave the Smosh house. He has his arms through his jacket and his car keys in his hands. He’s trying to leave quickly while Anthony’s in the bathroom so he doesn’t have to deal with Anthony’s pleading because, try as he might, he can’t say no to Anthony. He simply loves him too much. 

He swallows hard when he hears Anthony’s footsteps creeping slowly up behind him. “You headin’ out?” he asks. 

Ian slowly nods, not daring to look into his best friend’s umber-colored eyes because he knows that he’ll be done. He’ll have to stay. 

“You can stay, you know,” Anthony whispers, pressing his lips to Ian’s neck. 

And Ian stiffens, shutting his eyes and willing himself to have the strength to leave and not look back. “W-well, I should really get b-back to Daisy.” 

Anthony sighs, blowing his hot breath onto Ian’s neck and collarbone. “Come on, Ian. Why don’t you just stay for the night? I’m only in Sacramento for a couple days.” 

“I-I’ll see you tomorrow, Ant,” Ian stammers, squirming away from him. 

Anthony catches his wrist in his hand and grips tightly. “Come on, Ian.” He spins him around so that he’s facing him and Ian does what he swore he wouldn’t: he looks into Anthony’s eyes. The dark brown orbs are almost black and his pupils dilated from the lust that Ian knows is just coursing through his veins. “I want you to stay with me,” he says. This is more of an order, rather than a request. And Ian shuts his eyes before silently nodding, accepting Anthony’s messy, lust-driven kiss. He knows that Anthony doesn’t love him, but he doesn’t care anymore. When Anthony kisses him like that, he can’t breathe and his chest hurts, almost as if his heart will split in two. He feels as though his heart is pounding so hard that his ribs will break. 

Once again, he lets Anthony fuck him into the sheets without so much as a thank you. (And Ian wakes up alone). 

*

Ian can’t have a real relationship with Anthony around because he’s always there. Anthony knows that Ian’s gay, too, but that doesn’t stop him from making snide remarks whenever Ian gets a boyfriend. Ian can’t even jokingly flirt with Lasercorn during Game Bangs (Lasercorn’s married, to a woman nonetheless so why does it matter?) and whenever he genuinely likes a guy (not a lot because unfortunately, no one can take Anthony’s place), Anthony’s right there, telling Ian why he sucks.