Wake // Bokuaka

wake

I gave up a long time ago.

I'm not stupid. I never have been. I'm aware that living the same day over and over on repeat isn't a normal thing to experience.

Something must've happened.

Maybe I finally died.

You never know, maybe this is the afterlife. There is no confirmed heaven or hell. Maybe this is what happens to those who die.

That's the theory I've come to a conclusion on but it could really be anything.

At first I thought it was a lucid dream but one of those really long dreams that you eventually get tired of.

But I lived through an entire normal functioning day in said dream and then it just. . . reset.

It was weird and a little bit scary at first but I assumed I would wake up soon enough so I counted the days that went by in my "dream" and wondered how slowly time was moving in real life for it to be this long.

I lost count (more like gave up counting) of the days around. . .what was it? Thirty-four? Maybe thirty-five?

I always wondered what death was like.

If I knew this shit was waiting for me, I would've fought harder to stay alive because there is no word to describe how I feel these days aside from bored.

After every day plays and ends, there's a short period of time where everything is blank for a while.

It made me laugh at first. It's like my brain is using the time to reset the day.

It's okay, though, because that period of time gives me moments like this to think.

Glancing around the all too familiar place that I've named the "waiting room", it's like always, no different than any other day.

It's all black.

I am surrounded by nothing but four black walls.

I wouldn't even have thought they were walls if I didn't run face first into one in an attempt to escape this hell on one of my first days here.

Funny, I say that like this is a real place.

Oh, yeah. There's a door, too.

It took me a week to find it but I did when I was walking around the room with my fingertips tracing the walls.

My fingers hit a cold, hard handle.

It was weird because the door and the handle were black, too, so it looked like my hand was wrapped around nothing. But it was a handle nonetheless, what do I care what color it is?

I was so excited. So convinced that this was over.

Nope. It was locked.

It's been locked since I was put here.

I would explain more but the new day is about to start. I can feel it.

And just like that, like always, my eyes are opening to the bright white of my hospital room and the sounds of rhythmic beeping from the machines.

Sometimes, on very rare occasions, the one sense that would never come to me, my scent, would return.

These days were very comforting.

I never thought that I would but I really do miss the scent of my hospital room.

Before all of this, I was in it for about a year because of some heart problems that I was born with but they had gotten worse over time so I was hospitalized for treatment.