To Get Through...

Chapter 1: To Get Through Trust...

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Chapter 1: To Get Through Trust...

Looking around my room I find my thick rubber band that I need to tie my hair back into a high ponytail. Mom called me saying dinner is almost ready, I walk downstairs into the kitchen to help her with the plates, forks, and cups.

I look to my right to see my stepdad looking at his phone. I roll my eyes and continue helping. As we all sit at the table he put his phone down and sighs. Mom looks at him and smiles sweetly, but not a good kind of sweet, a kind of sweet that hides another emotion in that smile.

"Honey, who was that?" Mom quirks her eyebrow at him.

Okay here's where we pause for a second and reverse about nine years ago.

Nine years ago

Mom frowns as my father pulls the car over to the curb. We are all silent as the car stops.

"Get out." My father says slowly, his eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched, and eyes narrowed.

"Bu-" My mom starts but is interupted.

"GET OUT!" His voice shattering the silence as well as bringing another wave of it.

My seven year old self flinches and starts to cry. Mom's frown deepens and she sighs looking at me.

"Come on sweetie," She smiles sadly and walks me away from the car. Before she gets a chance to close the door my father slams the gas pedal and the door slams shut from the movement, leaving us both stranded in the middle of nowhere.

My parents had just gotten into a fight because she caught him talking to another woman on the phone. My mother starts sniffing beside me and I look up at her sympathetically. I was too young to understand what happened, but I knew that everything would change.

Back to present:

Many emotions were hidden behind that smile. I could tell just by hearing the tone in her voice as she looked at her second husband, my stepdads eyebrows furrowed as her tone of voice sounded throughout the kitchen.

Silence...

"Why don't you pray tonight?" She asked him calmly as I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. He gave her a glare like they had a silent conversation across the table.

A little while later things were still tense and all I wanted to do was run to the safety of my room.

Ding!

'Ah shit,' I thought to myself as I hear my stepdads phone go off. Mom purses her lips letting her trust issues take place and sighs heavily before looking at him. I shrink down in my seat knowing whats about to happen.

"What's up with you?" My stepdad asks my mom while lifting a brow. I sigh and cross my arms waiting for this to blow over.

"Nothing...just tired," My mom replies while putting her hand on her forehead, something she does when she's upset.

Now when my mom gets upset you'd expect her husband to be loving and caring right?

Heh...

Wrong...

My stepdad clenches his fist and his jaw. The atmosphere was tense and neither me or mom dared to move. All of a sudden a fist came slamming down on to the wooden surface of the table obliterating the silent atmosphere as the cups and dishes started shaking. I kept a straight face as mom jumped.

"If something's up, fucking say it, I don't have time for your attitude." He says with his voice so full it echoed throughout the house.
I frowned at his words as mom flinched.

"Honey go to your room..." My mom says quietly. I nod and stand up walking back to my room mentally slapping myself of how weak I am.

I close the door behind me frowning as I hear a loud bang on the other side of the door knowing something broke. I put my earbuds in and sighed blasting my music in my ears so that I couldn't hear the screams. I close my eyes and pretend that nothing's wrong letting the music drift me away from my problems.

But there's one sound that I can't stop hearing....

The voice in my head telling me how weak I am. How stupid I am for running away instead of helping my mom.

He's never hurt any of us physically before, but that doesnt mean we know he won't do it.

I hear a sniff and feel a warm stream of water going down my face.

I didn't even know I was crying... God I'm so weak...

I sigh and hastily wipe my tears away. Crying won't solve shit,
doing something will, but I'm too much of a pussy to do so.

I close my eyes and picture all the times my stepdad actually cared.
I look to my right and see the books he's bought me and try to shake negative thoughts off him out of my mind...

But it's not working. I suddenly remember another time not to long ago.

3 months ago

Livid...

I was beyond livid... This was the first time they had a major fight and I wanted to do something about it.

This fucker had just thrown a burger at my mother who was feeling down that day.

I was washing dishes when he walked by me and said in a stern voice,

"Wash them better I don't wanna see a single piece of food on those pots or pans."

I was so stupid and filled with rage that I mocked him...

Out loud.....

His head whipped back faster than the blink of an eye and his eyes held so much anger.

My eyes widened but I stood my ground. He points a finger at me and says,

"You ever mock me again and I'll break you're fucking jaw, you understand me?" His voice came out louder than I expected and I shrunk back like a scared little puppy. I nodded and he yelled once again,

"Do you understand me!?" His voice boomed louder than the first time and I jumped.

"Y-Yes dad..." I muttered in fear and looked down continuing my dishes.

He looked down at me in disappointment and walked out the door slamming it as he smoked a cigarette.

Back to present

I frowned at the memory and shook my head trying to get rid of it.
I'm sure this is just a 'teenage faze'
It will pass eventually...

Right...?

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