Things were getting out of hand.
Jimmy knew he got himself in this situation. When he agreed to be a BL actor, he was well aware he also signed up for fan service, skinship, and an overall awkward time. However, what he didn't sign up for is a terrible stress-induced pain in his neck.
Tommy is an attractive guy. Everyone knows that. He has charm, wit, and he's the most caring and loving person Jimmy has ever had the pleasure to know. But he's also the subject of Jimmy's vital weakness: a sexual identity crisis. It's obvious to everyone that Jimmy isn't experienced with feelings, let alone whatever people claim love to be. But that also comes along with not knowing what to do when you're forced to passionately kiss someone on a daily basis. What do the BL gods expect? That you're just supposed to make out with some dude and, even if your straight, just supposed to say 'well yeah that was pretty chill dude, nice, love you bro' and move on? No, he thinks it's impossible, especially since it's his first acting gig. And even then, it's not like he's weak for not being able to keep his feelings restricted to on-screen. I mean, it's a common thing to see in Hollywood, right? So yeah, Jimmy refused to admit that he was weak for forming some sexually confusing feelings.
Jimmy just thought BL was a really stupid thing to start his acting career in, considering his lack of emotional self-control in the past. Obviously, he's had crushes on plenty of girls in his lifetime. He still has them now. Working in BL has certainly brought him some emotional strife, but hell, when girls don't mind the whole 'I kiss my male coworker on the daily and it confuses me but hey I've got a nice jawline' it can be pretty pleasant sometimes. But he's never been able to stop himself from crushing on someone he didn't know he even wanted to date. He's broken so many girls hearts before from sending mixed signals caused by his own uncertainty, and he's definitely not proud of it.
But even his present fleeting crushes, while fun and exciting, just aren't doing enough to satisfy Jimmy's needs these days. He can't help but admit he wants a (obviously secret) lover. But how could he begin a relationship with a girl when he's being forcibly pushed closer and closer to Tommy? Yes, when he first met Tommy, he knew he found a life-long friend. Honestly, it felt like it was the first time in his life he's ever been seen. But what he didn't expect is how his acting partner would come to make him feel appreciated, how he would give his undivided attention when Jimmy yearned for it, how he would make Jimmy desperate just to be in his presence.
Quickly, Jimmy became dependent on Tommy's laugh, Tommy's smile, Tommy's everything. They moved from friends to brothers. And now they act like some school girls fantasy on the daily. But he can't deny just how good they could be together as a real couple. If he's being honest, it caught him off guard sometimes. They have the same taste in music, same things that ticked them off, same awkward response mechanisms to uncomfortable situations. And hell, even his mom noticed how much his mannerisms have become like Tommy's. And now Jimmy can't tell the difference between his admiration, a crush, and being full blown in love. He's doomed.
He remembers their first kiss like it was yesterday. His palms were sweaty, his heartbeat was racing, and his lips were tingling with anticipation the moment he leaned in within centimetres of his partner's. He remembers when he first felt his partners breath ghosted over his mouth and how it sent shivers down his spine. Yeah, Jimmy had kissed girls before, but when he pressed his lips against Tommy's for the first time, he had felt something entirely different. He couldn't place whether he liked it or not. Probably towards dislike, he thinks. He didn't like the way people were watching him with the expectation of something beautiful to happen. Their acting counsellors would constantly tell him that he his lips shouldn't quiver, that he should hold his breathing steady, and angle his head properly, and bla bla bla. His head would be so full of information he couldn't even focus on trying to get any of Saifah's feelings across.
That first kiss was not something Jimmy was proud of, nor did he think Tommy was either. And for a long time, no matter how many times they practiced in the workshop, nothing changed. Although it could get them pass their first episode of lip touching, he knew it wouldn't get them by for the following episodes.
So as Jimmy is getting ready to head on set for their first real stage kiss, he's feeling incredibly antsy and stressed out of his mind. He's getting his hair touched up right now as he absently flips through his phone and looks for something to direct his attention to for the time being. He settles on a casual gaming app he installed earlier this week. For about 10 minutes, he's biting and chewing on the insides of his mouth as he mulls over the thought of passionately kissing Tommy on screen. Due to his divided attention, he's constantly being met with the 'failure' screen on his phone. Fed up, he decides to check up on how things are looking doing on set.
He shoots his friend a text. "They finish setting up lights on set yet, P'Tom?" Jimmy knows Tommy is already done with his hair and makeup, and now probably getting clarification from P'Aof about the upcoming scene.
A few minutes later he receives, "Yeah, we're mostly just waiting for the mic's to be readjusted. I'm being told it'll be 30 minutes. You almost ready?"
He responds, "Mhm, maybe 5 minutes more tops." Jimmy ponders over lack of peace of mind before adding "could you come see me for a moment before we start, P'?"
Tommy quickly responds with "Sure, I'll be there in a sec. Why tho?" Jimmy decides to discuss it with him in person, and holds back a response.
A few minutes later, his hair stylist gives him some final touch ups and starts packing up her equipment. He sends her a quick thank you when she heads out. Jimmy stares blankly into the mirror, feeling tension swell up in his neck. He rubs the area and lets out a sigh, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. He's practically shaking at this point.
"You're really nervous about this next scene aren't you?" Tommy chimes from the doorway.
Startled, Jimmy hastily swivels his chair to face his partner. "And you're not? The fan girls have high expectations, you know. And you're not the one who has to initiate our stage kiss!" Tommy chuckles and grabs a chair leaning against the wall. He sets it in front of Jimmy and takes a seat.
"Did you call me here to complain about kissing me, or do you have anything meaningful to say?" He reassuringly nudges Jimmy's knee, signalling his playful attitude.
"Well..." Jimmy swallows and shifts his gaze to a poster situated to his side, "I was thinking, do you think we're ready for this, P'?"
"Hmm.. We have been practicing for months to get this right. Obviously, nobody expects us to get it perfect the first time, but I'm sure atleast one take will be usable." Their eyes lock, and Jimmy feels himself relax a little. Tommy's expression is hard to read, although he seems sympathetic.
Jimmy fidgets with the end of his shirt and ponders over a question. The air is thick and heavy. He licks his lips instinctively before he asks, "You wanna practice the kiss?"
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Give Me Your Sign
Romance"Jimmy knew he got himself in this situation. When he agreed to be a BL actor, he was well aware he also signed up for fan service, skinship, and an overall awkward time. However, what he didn't sign up for is a terrible stress-induced pain in his n...
