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TW: mentions of molestation and rape, minor panic attacks. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE THINGS.
This case is especially difficult for Y/N as you are forced to deal with some repressed memories that have resurfaced during this case. Spencer is your saving grace as he helps you through this. This story contains a lot of fluff. I wrote this as a way to cope with things that have happened to me in my life so I really hope this helps anybody with similar experiences. This is my first imagine so pls leave any tips/comments or even requests in the comments! mwah
You hadn't been a part of the BAU for very long, 6 months to be exact. You were an astounding agent and knew how to carry yourself and everyone on the team knew that, but this particular case broke you in ways that even you couldn't comprehend. From the moment Garcia presented the case, you felt a sharp ache in your chest, feeling every repressed memory fighting to break out into the surface but you refused to let that happen, especially not at work. The unsub had been molesting and burning alive young victims of the age of 8, which brought back a lot of memories that you prayed would never resurface."Wheels up in 20." You were quickly snapped out of your deep trance before you saw everyone shuffling out of the room, to prepare for the long flight. You hadn't even noticed how spaced out you were, your mind flooding with ways you taught yourself to cope with these things. Although you had tried your best to conceal your emotions, Spencer noticed your shift in behavior and took this as a sign to keep you in his sight for the entirety of the case, making sure you were alright. "Are you ok Y/N?" Spencer asked, his eyes filled with worry and panic. "Yeah, fine," you replied dryly before walking out of the room to get ready for what you knew would be an unpleasant few days to come. You loved Spencer and you knew all he wanted to do was help you, but you couldn't let him see you like this; you refused to let him see you like this.
He knew you were lying but he decided against pushing you, understanding that you would have told him if you wanted to. You didn't know this but Spencer had quite the crush on you, ever since the moment you clumsily fell into his arms walking into the BAU on your first day, so he never failed to keep you safe when he could. Although you felt the same way, you never allowed yourself to tell him, too afraid of the rejection that might entail.
Throughout the dreadful 3 days long case, you got little to no sleep, keeping yourself awake using only the several caffeinated drinks you downed throughout the day. Each night, the memories you tried so hard to force down into the deepest parts of your brain resurfaced. You sobbed into your pillow every night, your body trembling as you remembered your uncle who had repeatedly molested you from the age of 7-9, the memories flooding back into your brain over and over again. Each night, Spencer laid awake listening to your cries from next door, you being unaware that he could hear you. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and rock you to sleep, helping you through whatever was causing you so much pain, but he knew he couldn't do that. He knew how closed off you could be even with those closest to you, so all he could do was feel a piece of him shatter with every cry he heard through the thin walls and hope you would come to him.
