The Gambler, the Thief, and the Black-market Boss

Naruto's never lost. Sasuke's never gotten caught. Sakura's going to keep it that way. Kakashi doesn't want to be involved. Itachi doesn't know what to say. The Third Hokage is somewhat clueless. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura want to make it very clear that they were barely at fault. Everyone else disagrees. - - - Crack...