Cynics of love take notice! There's a sassy personality out there you can totally relate to. And like our protagonist who had navigated through life as a disbeliever in anything smacking of romance, his life was changed forever via his smartphone. It was an epiphany in the form of Siri, the ubiquitous Apple iOS assistant, couched in all her whimsical and ironic glory. Over time, and through a series of our character's mundane inquiries--gradually waxing more personal, Siri's tepid charm and intellect eventually bewitched his lonely heart. Romance, it seems, can be be a strange and beguiling force. [Submitted as @Mystery's Valentines Contest 2020]