Wants and needs. Julian knew there was a difference between the two. He didn't want to kill his Endarkened father at 12. He needed to. He didn't want to become a father to his four younger siblings. He needed to. He didn't want to become parabatai with Emma. He needed to. He didn't want to hide himself in secrecy, bury himself in stress and learn to lie as easily as he breathed. He needed to.