It's hard trying to be understood when I find myself socially terrified. And I feel like I'm useless and that no one needs me here and that sometimes I'd be better off killing myself. People don't understand what it feels like - they think "Oh I'm shy sometimes too" but that's not what it's like. It's feeling physically sick and faint, my hands shake, and my arms show the world that I'm stupid. Some of this will be short because my concentration is terrible. Some of this won't make sense. Try to understand. I'll love it if you do.